The term “Loser” dates back to the middle 14th century. So the ways of life of this social outcast has been around the block a few times. There are many definitions of a loser, but for this post its meaning represents a social abnormality, a personality trait that causes havoc in relationships. These losers can possess a magical charm that is enticing and tempting. Their words, often seductive, are used to manipulate other people and enlist sympathy for their plight in life.
Here are the traits of Losers you want to avoid:
1. They have no job. They describe their jobless predicament like details of a war story where they are the victims of unemployment fate. A continual lapse or consistent delayed action in pursuing employment is a sign of a very bad character flaw.
2. They borrow money, your money. They may, in a honey-coated voice, claim you are the only person they can ask for the money they need. The reality is they have probably asked every person they passed for money on their way to your door. The reasons they need the money is likely not legit. They may say it’s for the bus ride to a job interview, when it’s really for the bus ride to a billards bar or a strip joint.
3. They live with their parents. There are genuine reasons why an adult may be living under a parental dome. Perhaps they’re helping an aging parent. But generally speaking, a walking and talking adult over the age of 35 should not be living with his/her parents.
4. They do drugs/do alcohol. This is a no-brainer. Doing ANY drug is an instant qualification for the title Loser. God forbid that you’re with the Loser when the cops arrive and find the drugs. Or, that the Loser plants them on you. If you’re with anyone or dating anyone who does drugs, that person is a Loser. Your prompt exit is paramount. Alcohol abuse or dependence is another addiction that creates Losers.
5. They have no home. There may be another elaborate story why they’re homeless similar to the story of why they have no job. This also highlight’s the Loser’s lack of friends or potential roommates because the Loser has burned those bridges with his/her way of life.
6. They have no phone. It was stolen, they may say, or lost. It’s pretty easy to have a cell phone these days at a nominal cost. If they have no phone, that speaks to their level of irresponsible thinking. They can’t be reached in the event of a family emergency, and they won’t be getting calls from potential employers, if they don’t have a phone.
7. They have zero motivation or ambition. They don’t help with anything–it’s always tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll look for work. Tomorrow I’ll run that errand. There’s always an excuse. This is evident by their prone position all day watching TV, eating your food, using your phone, taking your money and borrowing your car; not to look for work, but to look for parties.
8. They have mood swings. The mentality of this type of Loser is very close to that of sociopaths. They can become insulting, violent, jealous, possessive, and paranoid. Between their sugar-coated words they are often a ticking bomb. Do not fall into the trap of thinking you can be the one to emotionally help this Loser.
The stronger your self-respect and self-worth, the easier it will be to have boundaries set for when, and if a Loser crosses your path.
Think about it. In caring, Dr. Sandy