Tag Archives: Trust

Are Little White Lies Okay?

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Like most other kids, you and I were taught in childhood not to lie. The lesson usually came early in life when by the age of six we knew the difference between right and wrong; and what was true and what wasn’t. The first time we made up a story to avoid wrath, we may have discovered that the penalty for our inventive tale was worse than if we had truthfully admitted our error.

IMG_0862Dishonesty, basically, is avoiding truth. It’s not surprising that people whose lives have been influenced by a damaging past really struggle with honesty—they’re afraid to be honest. It isn’t a type of dishonesty that is pathological and conniving. Rather its motive comes from a sincere desire to avoid conflict, disapproval, disappointment, and rejection; and to make others happy. They might see their dishonesty as being harmless or as merely “little white lies.”

Truth though, is a necessary choice in life, if we want self-respect, self-esteem and a reputation for possessing integrity. When asked, for example, if we like someone’s haircut, outfit, spinach casserole recipe, car color, or wallpaper, there’s always something truthful that can be said, instead of a little white lie. “Oh, that looks good on you,” “I can totally see you in that color,” and so on. We can be truthful without being mean spirited and without hurting someone’s feelings.

Psychologist, Dr. Chris Thurman writes: There is another important reason why IMG_1595we must seek the truth and live by it. There is a direct, inescapable connection between our self-esteem and whether or not we are dedicated to truth. If dedication to truth characterizes our way of living, we develop stable positive feelings of worth. The moment we wrap our lives around lies, genuine feelings of self-worth are virtually impossible. We’ve all had moments in our lives when we suddenly saw that something we believed to be true was false. Instantly, the truth cuts like a knife.  http://www.drchristhurman.com/

A pattern of telling little white lies can easily get out of control with a drive to appear adequate and flawless. We may find ourselves deceiving others about our opinions, actions and accomplishments. In a need to be loved and accepted, we justify fibbing.

IMG_2761 (1)Yet, isn’t it true that if someone is dishonest with us, we get all bent out of shape? In a warped way of thinking, we can be merciless to other individuals that we’ve caught lying. We park in the denial of our own dishonesty and feel betrayed, used, made a fool of, or taken advantage of by others we catch being dishonest with us: How could they do that to me! We, however, tend to not see our own dishonesty when we do that to them.

Think about it.

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net
IMG_2731Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

What defines cheating in a relationship?

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Trusting someone is always a risk. But at some point in your relationship, you should know if you can trust your partner based on observing how he/she has handled various situations and how he/she treats other people, especially how he/she treats YOU.

What defines cheating in a relationship?

The time to get answers to this question is before both parties become exclusive so that there’s an understanding and agreement prior to IMG_0355becoming a couple. Don’t assume your partner will have the same definitions as you when it comes to what describes infidelity. It should also be determined what the outcome will be if either of you break the agreement of fidelity. Decide if you will leave the relationship, and make that a declaration so the consequences are known beforehand. If cheating should occur, keep your word and follow through with the consequence. Otherwise you lose all credibility and self-respect; and your partner will think he or she can get away with it again.

Is this cheating to you? Is it cheating to your partner?

⇒Having lunch alone with the opposite sex who is a co-worker, or friend?

⇒Having “friends” of the opposite sex?                                                        

⇒Hanging out alone with a friend of the opposite sex?                              

⇒Flirting with the opposite sex in your presence or not?                           

⇒Kissing the opposite sex on the cheek or lips?                                            

⇒Giving a ride to a co-worker or friend of the opposite sex?

⇒Stopping after work for cocktails alone with the opposite sex who is a co-worker or friend?

⇒Touching the hand, arm, shoulder, waist, or leg or other physical contact of the opposite sex?

⇒Hugging the opposite sex?

⇒Sharing your emotional/sexual/private moments with a coworker/friend of the opposite sex?

⇒Getting caught in a lie when out alone for drinks, etc. with the opposite sex?

⇒Talking on the phone with old boyfriends/girlfriends?

⇒Exchanging emails with friends of the opposite sex?

⇒The use of pornography in your relationships via magazines, photos, videos, porn websites?

⇒The use of chat rooms with the opposite sex?

⇒Being more attentive to other women/men in your presence leaving you to feel ignored, embarrassed?

⇒Taking nude or seductive photos of each other with cell phone access and showing others the photos?PH01823J(p)

⇒Texting friends/co-workers of the opposite sex that are not work related?

⇒Being unwilling to show your partner any texts, emails exchanges with members of the opposite sex?

⇒Purchasing gifts for another woman/man, or trying to hide it?

⇒Going to strip clubs, getting lap dances, or other “services?”

Your thoughts and comments are especially invited on this subject. What is cheating to you?

Thanks for your time! Stay at it! ~Dr. Sandy