Tag Archives: Self-Fulfillment

What it takes to prevail

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Do you know what it takes to achieve what you want and succeed in life?

No one else determines your rise in the world but you. Your expectant attitude, your driven actions, your bold determination, your loyal beliefs in your abilities—these are powerful allies in the pursuit of the good life.

IMG_2171Author Ralph Marston wrote: The biggest factor in your success is you. Knowledge, information, skills and resources all play a part, to be sure. Yet success hinges mostly on your will to make it happen.

Gripping the belief that you deserve success is necessary gear to get ahead. Self-doubt, blame, anger, and negativity are enemies that will render you ineffective and keep you stuck in mediocrity.

Are you conscious of the beliefs you hold about yourself? These beliefs are the most significant opinions you will ever outline. What you believe you can do, or can not do, how worthy you are of happiness and success are all determined by your beliefs in who you are.

If you believe that you are unique, deserving, and skilled, then you will IMG_2342
experience a life defined by those beliefs. If you have the opinion that you are flawed, inadequate, and undeserving, then what you experience in your life will support that belief.

This is why the opinion you hold of yourself and the one you embrace is the most determining clue of your future.

Based on what you are experiencing in life, what is your opinion of yourself?

The world will not believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself. Examine your thoughts today and determine if they are powerful allies or sabotaging foes.

Think about it.

 

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net
Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

Who are you now?

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“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don’t think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.”¹

sign2Are you defining your life today past on mistakes made a month ago, a year ago? If all the past errors in judgment were erased and all expectations from others were invalid, who would you be today, right now? Your future will be filled with negativity from the past only if you allow it to be poured into your current thoughts about yourself. Instead, take the wisdom—the positive—available from every mistake and from every heartbreak, and mold that into who you are at this moment forward.

“One of the best ways to educate our hearts is to look at our interaction with IMG_0108.JPG (2)other people, because our relationships with others are fundamentally a reflection of our relationship with ourselves.”²  It’s impossible to have a dysfunctional relationship with others unless you have a dysfunctional relationship with yourself. If you struggle with fears of disapproval, that fear will play out in all of your relationships with others—not just some relationships—all. Everything you do or say will be filtered through a fear of their rejection of you. That fear prompts you to be dishonest with others, to withhold your true opinions and needs, and to become whatever others want you to be. Look at how any unhealthy fears contribute to the status of your relationships, to the status of your life.

Stop at that crossroads. Today, make that powerful decision—who have you decided you really are? Share who you truly are with the people who matter and stay true to your real self.

Think about it. In caring, Sandy

¹Anthony Robbins

²Dr. Stephen Covey

You won’t be happy until… until what?

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You won’t be happy until… until what? Until you make a certain amount of money? Until you’re loved? Until you’re offered a different job? Until your parent’s are nice to you?

What if instead you said, “I’ll be happier if I …” and you took responsibility for your happiness? The first statement has you waiting for something to happen IMG_0953 - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copyoutside yourself before you will be happy. The second statement requires you to do something to meet your need for happiness. Elizabeth Carter said, “Not to be happy is not to be grateful.” Making your happiness dependent on what other people do or don’t do will keep you from the very experience you seek—happiness! It’s like you expect someone to make up for what is missing and make you happy. To have your happiness dependent on yourself means you’re more likely to obtain it. Dr. John Grey says that when you’re attached to wanting more, then you create a mind-set that “has to have” something to be happy. When you blame others for a lack of happiness, you give up happiness. If you make people or situations not in your control responsible for how you’re going to feel, you’ll never be happy. As long as you believe incorrectly that someone else is responsible for how you feel, you’ll never have happiness. You believe the lie that you can’t have what you want because of so and so, or this or that. When you make someone or something the reason why you’re not successful, you stop your ability to have that success.

DO YOU HAVE GRATITUDE? LET’S FIND OUT…ASSESSMENT ON GRATITUDE 
Count the statements that describe you. Please be honest with yourself!
__Life doesn’t seem to get better as I get older.
__I’m lacking things I need to be happy.
__Most of the stuff I do is boring.
__This is a bad time in my life.
__I expect to be doing in a year exactly what I’m doing now.
__It’s more common for me to focus on what I lack than on what I have.
__I was a lot happier when I was younger.
__I feel old and drained.
__I don’t spend time each day listing mentally or otherwise my blessings.
__Compared to other people, I’m worse off than they.
__I tend to take people I care about for granted.
__In an average day I say “whatever” more than I say “thank you.”
__My moods would be better if my life was different.
__I haven’t obtained most of the important things I want and that bothers me.
__The financial resources of the average person seem to be getting worse.
__It’s difficult to appreciate good things in life when I have so many struggles.
__If I’m to be a worthwhile person I need to achieve a certain status.
__I don’t usually feel grateful about my average day.
__I can’t be happy if I miss out on many of the good things in life.
__If I don’t do as well as other people it means I’m inadequate.
__It’s impossible to gain another person’s respect without being talented.
__I’m not a joyful person.

If you have checked four or more statements as being true, then you could use more gratitude in your attitude.

You can now see why the opposite of self-pity, and its components of negativity and complaining, is gratitude. An ungrateful person is an unhealthy person. They can be found in a prolonged self-induced “poor me” depression hanging on to unfairness and tough breaks excusing any responsibility. Of course, the IMG_0946 - Copy - Copy - Copymore you focus on any state of mind, the more of it you create for yourself. Individuals who are ungrateful for what they possess create more ungratefulness, more unsuccessful results, and more negativity. The very
prize they seek—happiness, success, some good breaks—are kept from them because of an ungrateful attitude for what they possess now. An attitude of gratitude in life leads to a sense of contentment, and focusing on what is lacking in life leads to resentment, jealousy and unhappiness. It’s healthy and good to want success and happiness, and more of everything only if you’re sincerely grateful for what has been given to you already. If you’re not grateful for what you have now, you won’t be grateful for more.

Happiness comes from what you already have or what you have the power to make happen.

Wise people enjoy what they have—they enjoy their blessings. People who are IMG_0944 - Copy - Copy - Copynot thankful for what they possess, are not likely to be thankful for more. You’ll never be happy until you learn to enjoy what you already possess. Measure gratitude not by things, but by things for which you would not take money. Henry Ward Beecher said, “A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” The poorest person in the world is the one who is always wanting more.

Thank you for your time and replies. -In caring, Dr. Sandy

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

What do you need to have to be happy?

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“There was a period when I believed stuff meant something. I thought that if you had matching side chairs and a sofa that harmonized and some beautiful lamps to light them you would have a home, that elegance signaled happiness.” ― Anna Quindlen

Does your happiness depend on the belongings and possessions that surround you? Does money really buy happiness?

wealth4I think that the more stuff we need to have to experience a sense of happiness and self-worth, the more dependent we are on the objects of this world for cheerfulness. This can be a very flighty way of life. To withhold our meeting with happiness until we attain a list of stuff to possess—certain cars, boats, a specific house, neighborhood, attire, vacations, furnishings, income, and lifestyle—is an unnecessary delay of joy. Sure, those items may be welcomed, but since reality indicates that only five percent of the world’s population can protract such a life, it is all the more valid reason to not define happiness on possessions.

An unfortunate amount of people look back over their life in a series of wealth2possessions. They view life by what they have pursued and acquired, not by what they have lived, learned, and experienced. “Well I got the boat in ’92, the VP job in ’97, the Hawaii condo in ’98, the Porshe in ’01, the yacht in ’03, and the ten acre estate in ’05.” Life is a series of moments in relationships, not a collection of possessions.

The impression that happiness requires lots of possessions is a lie. The notion that wealth will make you happy is a lie. The opinion that success is determined by possessions is a lie. Many people chose to focus on what they lack, what is wealth3unfair, what they should have; and are blind to the good fortune already bestowed to them.

To live consciously in the moment with gratitude is easier said than done. It seems more common to harp on the events of the past and cite its hardships as the reasons for why the present is lacking the desired possessionswhy the present isn’t what it should be. This conclusion can destroy any possibility for happiness and success right now.

Today, remain determined to dwell on the good fortune already given to you. Notice if you are allowing any negative conclusions to influence your happiness and success today.

Tell me what you think! Leave a reply!

Thanks for your time and comments. In caring, Dr. Sandy

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

As the director and producer of your thoughts, are you strengthened by them or disabled?

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“Thought is power.”

IMG_0905 - Copy - Copy - CopyIt’s too simple to take your thoughts for granted. It’s too dangerous to take the faulty position that you can’t control your will or purpose. You have the power to make choices; therefore, you have the power to choose the content of your thoughts. The term “Positive Thinking” does not include ignoring the frowning realities of life. Positive thinking refuses to be consumed by frowns. As the director and producer of your thoughts, are you strengthened by them or disabled?
IMG_0452(2)The highest reward in life is not what you get from it, but what you become by it. You’re capable of doing something that makes a difference in the world every day. Your caring, your kindness, your respect for yourself and life makes a difference not only in the lives of those who cross your path, but also makes a difference within you. No one can be exactly like you. No one can make a difference exactly like you can. Today, value your uniqueness, and watch how much you value the uniqueness in others.
Thank you for your time and comments. ~In caring, Dr. Sandy 

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

Where do most people who want to change their life get stuck?

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Where do most people who want to change their life tend to get stuck in the process? Choose the answer you believe is correct:
A. They get stuck because they don’t know how to change others so their own lives get better.
B. A snow-bank.
C. They get stuck because they don’t know another way to handle things or people.
D. They get stuck because some people in their life just don’t get it.

Correct answer is C.

Author E. E. Cummings said, “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” Many people desire to make positive changes in their lives but get stuck because they don’t know how to handle things differently. It’s scary to think of life any other way IMG_0211than how we’ve been living it, even though it’s been far from a picnic. It’s scary to examine what we learned in childhood surroundings that may be incorrect. It’s scary to take a look at what we assumed to be normal. It’s scary to face what’s wrong and not working for us.                                                                                                                           But when we blame other people for our unhappiness, keep doing things we firmly promised not to, fail to do what we decided to do, then we begin to understand that we don’t know how to fix the mess our lives are in. We realize that we’re no longer able to soothe our fears and hurts. There remains nothing left to pull out of our hats. And we’re left stuck because we know no other way to think, feel, and act.

We know we’re unhappy, but we don’t know what to do differently. With all we’ve done with our attempts to be in control, we can no longer control our own sadness, which has no doubt reached a miserable level. We focused on solving problems that couldn’t possibly be solved with the ways we were trying to solve them. And when we failed to fix these problems, feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and even anger multiplied. All our inadequacies and all our hurts joined our self-doubts which we spent an enormous amount of time hiding because we needed to appear competent and in control. Marriage and Family Therapist Robin Norwood writes, “Most of the insanity and despair you experience comes directly from trying to manage and control what you can’t.”

So what would you do? Please share your suggestions on improving situations and making positive changes. –Dr. Sandy

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

What are you expecting today?

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Some individuals hold others responsible for the disappointment and unwanted outcomes they experience. This furnishes them with a blaming, self-defeating state of mind. After being injured, disappointed, hurt, and violated enough times we may forfeit the anticipation of good outcomes in life. We remain snared in the unfairness of life where incorrect thinking and pessimistic feelings reign. We invent an imaginary scale by which events are weighed. Of course, the scale never measures above bad luck. No matter how many blessings exist or good IMG_0294things happen, it’s not seen, or it’s not enough, or something is flawed with it or we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“You have a style, a way of being. You hear people describe others by noting their persona: He’s a real hard charger, or she’s a cool customer. Some approach life as a combat: they’re hostile, even explosive. Others are milquetoast who expect to get trampled, and do. Your attitude of approach dictates what you get back. You may complain about the way people react to
you, but believe me, you create it, just as everyone else creates the reactions they get from the world. Honestly evaluate your style of engagement, and you will begin to understand why the world responds to you as it does.”¹

Unless we tackle the thinking that results in this self-defeating negativity, we’ll become more complaining, more resentful, and continue to experience more unfairness because that’s what we’re expecting. What are you expecting today? Dr. Sandy

¹Dr. Phil McGraw in Life Strategies

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

Do you use what happens to you?

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“The art of life isn’t controlling what happens, which is impossible; it’s using what happens.”¹ 

The events in our lives change us.  They’re supposed to. They’re intended to make us stronger, better and wiser; but I can personally attest that there’s a journey one takes into the fifth ring of hell before arriving at that point of view. 

IMG_0354It’s a journey through hurt, disappointment, confusion, loss, and injury that takes some people a long time to travel through, and some individuals get stuck on the way.  I was one of those individuals.  It was effortless to allow the unfairness of life to engulf me with no comfort.  Somehow, it appeared rational that I was entitled to moan awhile and be excused from life because of the loss and pain, both physically and emotionally, I had endured. I started to believe that the God of life had overlooked me and I was destined to be crippled and unworthy. There is no happiness to be found on the Injured Reserve list in life; only persistent defeat and depression. The more I sat on the sidelines, the more pessimistic, blaming, and self-righteous I became. 

Believe me, whatever painful event that happened to me or you isn’t anything special. Pain is universal. It’s global. It’s everywhere. But what you do after getting marred in life can be special. When you rise above the hardship instead of allowing yourself to be pulled down into an abyss of despair, then you’re in a position to see the happiness that is waiting for you. Today, don’t cry “Why Me?” Instead, use what happened to you to become stronger, better, and wiser. Press on! –Dr. Sandy

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

¹Moving Beyond Words: Essays on Age, Rage, Sex, Power, Money, Muscles by Gloria Steinem

What are your thoughts creating for you?

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It didn’t happen overnight. In fact, it didn’t happen over several nights. But the more I became aware of what I was saying to myself throughout the day, and in what attitude I was thinking, the more I was able to stop and change the thoughts that were harming me; and thus damaging how I was living. Harping on my critical thoughts and sarcastic attitude was impacting my conversations with my family, friends, co-workers, well, everyone in my path!

IMG_0203The attention we pay to the nature of our thinking, therefore, is the most powerful attention we can pay.¹ Holding a healthy mind-set is the most valued possession you and I own. It’s absence of guilt, self-pity, resentment, and a mess of other unhealthy toxins enables us to live with some enthusiasm and hopefulness. If our thoughts contain anger, blame, depression, or insecurity, we will produce doom and gloom experiences every day–who wants that? If our thoughts are filled with appreciation, love, and generosity, we will create situations in our day where those attributes return to us.

You experience, every single day, what your thoughts dwell on. What are your thoughts creating for you? Dr. Sandy

¹From Everyday Grace by Marianne Williamson

What thoughts are you having today?

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More people need to realize that it’s not their obstacles or unfair events that create havoc in life, it’s their attitude. French author Tom Blandi states, “Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working 24 hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force.”

IMG_0436We have received the power to determine our attitude—our thoughts. Right this very moment, as you read this, your mind is being programmed by your thoughts. You’re either dwelling on thoughts of success and the anticipation of good outcomes, or you’re dwelling on failures and the anticipation of regrets and disappointment.

“Thought is behavior in rehearsal,” wrote Sigmund Freud.¹ Conduct starts with a thought–an attitude–in our brain. We think before you act—ideally. If we’re dwelling on profitless thoughts, our attitude and conduct will reflect that—we’ll act discouraged and defeated. On the other hand, if we center on thoughts  and an attitude of gratitude and potential, our actions will be motivated and a pleasure.

Based on your conduct, what thoughts have you been thinking today? Make a point to adjust your attitude to one of gratitude that anticipates the good in life, then watch it arrive! –Dr. Sandy

¹From Sigmund Freud in “Retrospect and Conclusion,” Fragments of an Analysis with Freud by Joseph Wortis