Tag Archives: Humility

Constructive Criticism, My Ass

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Constructive Criticism, My Ass

I have a thing about the phrase “constructive criticism.” First of all, isn’t it an oxymoron? It seems like a complete contradiction. Plus, there’s no such thing as constructive criticism, is there? It’s not positive criticism. It’s criticism. Plain and simple. There’s no constructive part about it.

There are many people who use this catchphrase. Usually, it’s with a life is hardcondescending voice. It’s typically someone who is cranky, even resentful, and someone who hasn’t had a good laugh is years. “Can I give you some constructive criticism?” It’s a question that puts me on the defensive. If I’m already objecting to the tone of the question, does it matter if the advice or suggestion that follows is good or bad, or whether I follow it?

There are a million and one ways to make a suggestion, or even scold someone, without actually saying “you suck.”

We can be less sarcastic, less disrespectful when pointing out mistakes or blunders to someone under our watch. We can make suggestions more humorous such as, “You’ll pull less hair out if you try it this way.” Or more helpful with “Hey, let me show you what works for me.”

At one time, we all were doing something for the first time.

Why do we criticize other people at all? Is there a living single person knighted with the sole knowledge of all things deemed critical? If it’s not illegal, why do we have an issue with someone who does something different than we would? Does it matter?

daisy2It doesn’t matter. What matters is our kindness. Yeah, I know it’s like a sappy love song, but it’s true. Because it’s grown in the daisy field hills of love, kindness is a power that can drive out a lot of demons in people. I’ve seen it happen many times. People need kindness. Soon, they may pay it forward with some kindness.

Until somebody comes up with a better idea, spread some kindness everywhere you go.

I think the term “Constructive Criticism” can be tossed in the heap of outdated phrases like “Attaboy,” “Copacetic,” “Scram,” and “Cat Pajamas.” No, wait, not Cat Pajamas. I like the cat’s pajamas. 

FullSizeRender (5)Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com unless otherwise indicated

 

5 Ways To Be Rejected – Dr. Sandy Nelson

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5 Ways To Be Rejected – Dr. Sandy Nelson

1. Think only of yourself

If you’re looking to be rejected among pals, co-workers, and even as a romanticme1 partner, make everything all about you. Be sure to make it obvious you have no interest in conversating about stuff that doesn’t involve yourself. Do that, and the goal to be excluded will be only moments away.

Healthy relationships require a mutual genuine caring for and interest in another person. As the saying goes There’s no “I” in Team.

 

2. Don’t compromise

Compromise? Don’t be silly. You want things your way. There’s no meeting half-way for you. All plans voiced by others are iffy until approved by what works best for you. Refuse to have any consideration for the needs or preferences of those around you and soon enough you’ll be left in the cold.

Making concessions with others is only necessary when you value a relationship and want to be a decent human being.

 

3. Act like a Know-It-All

You think you know everything. In fact, it’s a dumb idea for others to question knowyour authority on everything. The words: I don’t know never come out of your mouth. You’re a chatter box on thee way to do all things on earth and you’re happy to be the interrupty of conversations to point that out. So it should come as a no-brainer when you’re kicked to the curb because no one likes a Know-It-All.

I repeat, no one likes a Know-It-All.

 

4. Be dishonest

Here’s a good idea: make yourself look good using lies. Tell tall stories that inflate who you are, what you do, and who you know. In conversations expand on your fake talents and gifts to the world. Makes promises you have no intention of keeping. Forget having any relationships because that would require the real you, who even you don’t know anymore. When you dodge the truth, c’mon people know you’re lying, and those people will dodge you.

Real relationships require real people.

 

5. Practice prejudice

Acceptance is a word thrown around, but rarely considered by you in chats prejudice1about other people. No way. Suspicion is what you preach when talking about cultures and races different than your own. You denounce any way of living that doesn’t meet your authoritative standards. Judging and condemning people by the color of their skin is the least you can do. Your ignorance leads you to perceive that you possess supreme superiority. Rejection will be a cakewalk.

Here are two human enlightenment’s: 1. There is a God.  2. We are not him.

 

Think about it.

 

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com unless otherwise indicated

 

 

 

 

Compliments, Pride, and Humility

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images (57)You can discover a great deal about a person when you compliment his or her triumphs. If the response is one of sincere gratitude and humility, that recognizes (through praise) the efforts of others, too, then that suggests the person has a character that is not self-absorbed or defined by grandstanding. If a person seems to frequently point out or brag about what he or she has accomplished, and tends to carry on about all the drudgery it took to achieve it, then you are speaking with someone who is probably insecure and self-centered, and looking for praise from you to feel good about him or herself.

Journalist Horace White said: Abraham Lincoln did not ‘put you at your ease’ when you came into his presence. You felt at ease without being put there.

It’s effortless to find respect for those individuals who have not allowed images (54)accomplishments or status to go to their head. They have their feet planted on the ground with the rest of humanity. Their humility is attractive whereas self-conceit repels. It’s illogical the amount of people who see themselves superior than others for any reason. It’s not possible to respect or like someone who believes he or she is better than anyone else.

Even as early as the first century people with arrogance and conceit were earmarked as disreputable and obnoxious, as seen in this quote from Seneca: You can tell the character of every man when you see how he receives praise. 

No one should attempt to diminish the life or contribution of another person. Every individual is important and necessary for humanity. And now you know how to determine the individuals who believe that. Just give them a compliment, and wait to hear their response.

Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

What are the secrets of successful people?

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The Seven Secrets of Successful People

Live with Self-Control
Self-control is the power to respond to other people and situations with self-controlmoral strength, self-command, and integrity. Getting upset at someone who is upset is the worse thing to do. Anger begets anger. When you frighten people with words or actions, you misuse your power and instead, insecurity is demonstrated. When you manipulate, mistreat, or intimidate other people, your power is misused and fragility is demonstrated. Success comes to those who are self-controlled.

Live with Responsibility
If you make other people or situations responsible for how you are going to feel, you will never be successful, or happy. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions and realize you alone create your experiences in life. Blamer’s and complainer’s are rarely successful.

Live with Respect
To experience success it is necessary to possess self-respect. You have self-respectrespect when you applaud your efforts, encourage yourself, forgive yourself, accept your mistakes and limitations, and refuse mistreatment. Demonstrating respect to others is also necessary despite differing agendas or customs. Expressing courtesy is expressing respect. Success is experienced by people who respect themselves and other people.

Live with Humility
The brilliant philosopher Socrates, did not pride himself on how much he knew—which was noteworthy in his era. Instead, he was humbled by the awareness of how much more he had to learn and understand. Success comes to those individuals who greet others as equal, not secondary; and live in awareness of how much more there is to learn and understand.

Live with Gratitude
It’s not possible to be successful unless you consciously value and appreciate what is already in your possession—the blessings you currently hold. You can not appreciate what you take for granted. God or The Universe will rarely bless you with more unless you’re cognizant of what has already been given to you. To be successful be grateful, and giving.

Live with Love
You can not hate yourself or others and experience success. Hate blocks the love4good that is yours to receive. Hate divides and lies. When you tell yourself that you are inadequate, flawed, or inferior, you tell yourself a lie. You were born with an instinctive and endless supply of self-worth and self-love. You can not love other people unless you love yourself. You can not be successful unless you believe you can be. Love yourself and love one another.

Live with Faith
Because you live what you believe, what you believe determines your level of faithsuccess. Truth is not relative and reality is not a free-for-all perception. An actual truth exists. What we think about expands. In As You Think, James Allen tells us, You will be what you will to be. And Marc Allen states: You have a powerful will, an offspring of a deathless soul, and it can find its way to any goal, regardless of the apparent obstacles. You have all you need within you. All resources are at your command—all you have to do is ask for them. A great visionary teacher said it all, very simply and clearly—Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find, (Matthew 7:7).

To your success!

Think about it. In caring, Sandy

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

What do the people you hold in regard have in common?

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What do the people you hold in regard have in common?

People who demand respect from others are often the very individuals who lack that feature. With no self-respect, they look to others to treat them with regard.

IMG_0544“Respect yourself if you would have others respect you.”¹ Individuals who have self-respect do not need to request or demand it from others. Self-respect is a trait that is evident in our attitude, morals, and actions; and it is the integrity in our attitude, morals, and actions that provides us with the respect of others.

Treating ourselves with dignity, honor, and esteem is not due to a sense of pride, it is due to self-respect. Pride is vanity, narcissism, egoism, and status centered. Self-respect is accepting ourselves—our strengths and weaknesses, talents and limitations, successes and mistakes. Pride denies or hides weaknesses, limitations, and mistakes. Self-respect announces them. 

What evidence of self-respect can be found in your attitude, morals, and actions today?

¹From The Art of Wordly Wisdom by Baltasar Gracian

Do you know a know-it-all?

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In the July 6, 1970 edition of Newsweek, Daniel J. Boorstin wrote, “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” But some people act like they have nothing more to learn—that’s right, they know it all. They have all the answers. Not only do know-it-all’s know everything there is about anything, they’re eager to point out how much you and I don’t know squat. You would think there would be lines of people waiting to talk to know-it-all’s. Just to have an opportunity to speak with someone with all the answers would be right up there with the ultimate spiritual experience.

IMG_0587(2)On the contrary, that has not been my experience with these types of individuals. How about you? People seem to not respect others who will not admit limitations, and appear to have all the answers. Earning the respect and admiration of others has little to do with proclaimed knowledge and more to do with a willingness to admit weaknesses and mistakes.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. was respected as one of the most outstanding justices in the history of the U.S. Supreme Court. He was popular as the Great Dissenter because he disagreed with what the other judges claimed to know and changed the vision of law. Holmes sat on the Supreme Court until he was 91. Two years later, President Roosevelt visited him and found him reading Plato “to remain improving my mind” Holmes said. 

There’s the kind of humble knowledge worth standing in line for. Today, earn the respect of others and acknowledge what you do not know. –Dr. Sandy