MY FALL FROM GRACE: A Loss Of Balance – Dr. Sandy Nelson
Is there any way for a woman to take a nose dive gracefully?
As if that was the plan all along? Like you meant to do it?
If it were into a swimming pool, maybe. But skimming a rock border on your way down into a bed of hostas?
In the front yard?
If only I was a few decades younger, I could have pulled something out of my hat and made the tumble look like this cartwheel. Ta-Da! But I’m at the age where I’m all cart and no wheel. If only I had taken yoga more seriously, it could have looked like I was in the flying pigeon pose.
Nope. I went down head first, slid like a seal trying to steal third base. It was ugly, not graceful.
Walking to my front porch, I tripped on nothing but the sidewalk (this is a talent of mine), veered right at what felt like 30 mph, and my legs landed on the rock edging of my bed of hostas where the rest of me ended up, eventually. Like I need another reason to hate gravity.
Brain to body: “Damage control, come in, report!”
Body to brain: “Whaaaa? Wait, what? What happened? Hey, we’re stuck.”
I could not get up. Thank goodness I wasn’t home alone. I called out for my husband who was grilling our dinner in the backyard.
I yelled for my husband with a little more intensity.
I screamed for my husband.
No f-ing response.
I wondered how long it would take him to realize I wouldn’t be at the dinner table. Ten minutes? A day?
But the god of Weebles Turn And Tumble took pity on me, and two young, good-looking men from across the street heard my cries. Yep. Two young, good-looking men…wait…do I have makeup on?
One of the kind rescuer’s retrieved my husband from his Weber Grill, and he tried to pull me up by my one free arm with the same determination he uses to yank a weed. No, no, no, that’s not going to work. So the new hero’s, one on each side of my body, lifted me up to my feet–like that slow motion sequence in The Horse Whisperer where the horse Pilgrim rises from the ground with Grace on his back. Yes, Grace!
I glided to my feet and felt I was okay. Sore, but okay. Embarrassed, but okay. Nothing felt broken (thank you calcium supplements).
The hostas, however, are flatten to the ground. But they should bounce back. I’ll be busy practicing a Weeble posture.
Think about it.
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