HOW TO RUIN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP – Dr. Sandy Nelson
We all seek love relationships with predetermined expectations in our heads of how it’s going to be. And at first, it’s wonderful, all good, and all that. After that initial honeymoon phase, that’s when reality arrives and conflicts begin and we must decide if the relationship is worth the shattering of our expectations. It’s within those shattered pieces that real love can be put together.
But here’s some situations, rightly so, that will probably not give us a chance to discover real love and instead, will find us at the curb with the rubbish.
1. Break Promises
Promises made to someone we love can be thought of as swearing our intentions under oath to keep the promise at the risk of penalty of death. Promises are a big deal in love relationships. Do not make them lightly. Promises are not in the same category as a maybe, or if time warrants. No. To promise is to put our word on the line–that means our honor, our integrity, and our character. It’s a big deal which is why failing to keep a promise places the relationship in jeopardy.
2. Don’t talk
With this one, we might think we’re safe. After all, everyone talks. Talking about how the train was late, it rained, it didn’t rain, work was fine, traffic sucked and other surface topics could be consider talking if it is to a co-worker on the subway platform. In a love relationship it would be called a lack of communication. With someone we love, talking involves the sharing of our feelings and thoughts not just talking about the days events. When we want to listen to what our partner says, when we can acknowledge their point of view through validation, and we can open our heart to actually feel their experience, or thoughts or feelings, THAT is an expression of the love through talking. How likely is that going to happen? This may explain why it won’t.
3. Don’t help
If in the 21st century, we hold the 20th century bias belief that it’s the woman’s place to cook, clean, shop, do the laundry, and run the errands while the man sits in front of the television with a beer watching Magnum P.I. reruns, then we have some serious problems. Why do men do this?
4. Fight dirty
Is there really a need for name-calling, hurtful remarks, or screamning during arguments? Can’t we talk about upset feelings without hurting someone we supposedly love? Can’t the focus be on a solution rather than the failures, shortcomings, and faults of the person we love? Fighting while angry does nothing but hurt and wound, and maybe that’s the goal. If it is, we’ll find ourselves alone at the net. No one should tolerate or accept that abuse. Girl, here’s some help. And God forbid, if we strike the person we claim to love, we better be looking for treatment and therapy for that monster within us.
5. Be the boss
Ha! There’s no boss in a love relationship. There’s no head. There are two people, with two opinions which makes two people in charge. Each person is held in mutual regard. There’s no one superior and no one inferior. This is where compromise comes in–a balance of give and take. If we think we’re gonna be running the show in this relationship, then we have no respect and zero love for the other person.
firstname.lastname@example.org ♦ ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net ♦ Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com unless otherwise indicated