Tag Archives: Dating

5 First Date Don’ts – Dr. Sandy Nelson

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1. Don’t Pretend

Behaving like someone you’re not, so you will be liked, is a horrible idea. Be whoIMG_3090 you are. Show up with all the wonderful glory of yourself—your personality, opinions, thoughts, humor, and goals! If you clash with the person you’re hooking up with, so be it. Move on. Altering yourself to be accepted by another person is bad psychology and you will end up mad at yourself for betraying the core of your being.

2. Don’t Reveal Your Entire Past

When you’re just getting to know a person, dumping out your total life history at one sitting can cause an overload of too much information that could come back to bite you in the ass. Keep the discussion light and more on the surface. Discerning if you can trust someone with everything in your past, takes time. Save yourself some hurt and disappointment. Tell your story in chapters.

 

3. Don’t Think You Can Change The Person

IMG_2413So, you think this person is a good catch except for a few slight defects. Nothing your love can’t change, right? Wrong. The truth is, you can’t manipulate someone’s affection or influence someone’s behavior, and have a healthy, honest relationship. If you can’t accept the person “as is,” then don’t think for a moment that you can be the change that’s needed. I have a saying: When someone shows you who they are, believe it. Don’t settle. Don’t try to change a person.

 

4. Don’t Play True Detective

This is obvious. A date is not an interrogation or a job interview, so don’t drill the other person with a hundred questions or you may be defined as a control freak, which then would probably end the possibility of a second date. Allow the person the chance to share information at a level that’s comfortable for him or her.

 

5. Don’t Have Sex

Okay so the chemistry is there and flirting is in full bloom. You feel connected IMG_2415with this person, even lured. And it’s all so tempting to just rip each other’s clothes off, but resist. Hold out. Not on the first date… C’mon… Okay, if you do succumb to the passion, make sure a condom is used. Protect yourself! Unsafe sex is not an option! EVER!

 

Think about it.

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