Looking for love before developing a strong sense of self is like trying to find the mate of a shoe you’ve never seen. —Martha Beck
I sometimes long for childhood scenes where taking a stand for ice cream over cupcakes seemed easier than taking a stand for myself with other people as a grown-up. Let’s face it, when you express to someone your true thoughts and opinions, it’s a risk. What if you offend someone? What if they change their opinion of you? What if they get mad? What if you blow it? That’s a gamble. But to speak or act in contradiction to who you are is worse than the experience of disapproval from someone, isn’t it?
For some people, what determines their sense of self is having the approval of someone else. What determines their self-worth and happiness is how other people feel about them. Many individuals change their personality and opinions, at any given moment, to be accepted. It’s not a surprise that relationships are often rocky and shallow when people hide their true identity. So, make it a priority to know yourself so that you have a self others can honestly know.
In The Plateauing Trap, Judith M. Bardwick writes: Real confidence comes from knowing and accepting yourself—your strengths and your limitations—in contrast to depending on affirmation from others.
Remember, every single person has strengths and weakness, attributes and handicaps, not just you and me, everyone. The more you embrace yourself—the good parts and the not so good parts—the more you radiate confidence because you know who you are and who you are not, and that is the most attractive trait anyone can possess. When you are genuine in who you are and not acting like a fraud of someone else, that’s appealing to others. People respect that quality, a lot.
Think about it.
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