Category Archives: Regrets

What are you expecting today?

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Some individuals hold others responsible for the disappointment and unwanted outcomes they experience. This furnishes them with a blaming, self-defeating state of mind. After being injured, disappointed, hurt, and violated enough times we may forfeit the anticipation of good outcomes in life. We remain snared in the unfairness of life where incorrect thinking and pessimistic feelings reign. We invent an imaginary scale by which events are weighed. Of course, the scale never measures above bad luck. No matter how many blessings exist or good IMG_0294things happen, it’s not seen, or it’s not enough, or something is flawed with it or we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“You have a style, a way of being. You hear people describe others by noting their persona: He’s a real hard charger, or she’s a cool customer. Some approach life as a combat: they’re hostile, even explosive. Others are milquetoast who expect to get trampled, and do. Your attitude of approach dictates what you get back. You may complain about the way people react to
you, but believe me, you create it, just as everyone else creates the reactions they get from the world. Honestly evaluate your style of engagement, and you will begin to understand why the world responds to you as it does.”¹

Unless we tackle the thinking that results in this self-defeating negativity, we’ll become more complaining, more resentful, and continue to experience more unfairness because that’s what we’re expecting. What are you expecting today? Dr. Sandy

¹Dr. Phil McGraw in Life Strategies

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

At least once a day I resist reality. How about you?

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“It’s not true that life is one damn thing after another—it is one damn thing over and over,” wrote Edna St. Vincent Millay.*

IMG_0888Whenever we resist the realities of life, we are headed for despair. That’s where you will find me at least a few minutes once a day. In my visit to despair I try to reason with the timing death of loved ones, the change that every loss demands, the sadness of missing family and friends, and the unwanted adjustments forced on me. And, perhaps like you, there are changes in life I resent.

Life is faithful to present to us everyday a host of disappointments that need submission, mistakes that need correction, interruptions that require patience, losses that need acceptance, and problems that need solutions.

If we accept this reality of life, we’ll experience a happier existence and less time in despair. Life does not care if we are angry at it or not; it’s not altered by our rebellion or hissy fit. It’s unmoved by self-pity or our definition of common sense. Life yields to no reality other than its own which means the more we need to stick together to get through it! –Dr. Sandy

* Letters of Edna St. Vincent Millay

Who is to blame for the dire circumstances of your life?

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American author John W. Gardner was Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare under President Lyndon Johnson. During World War II he served in the United States Marine Corps as a Captain. He wrote, “Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”

IMG_0221But wait, self-pity is a necessary condition to experience before recovery can occur from any unfortunate event. Grieving losses, depression from painful memories, and mourning unfortunate events are part of the healing found in the condition of self-solace. However, when you get wrapped up in your misfortunes and hang onto blaming someone or something for the circumstances of your life, then you are no longer healing—you are feeling sorry for yourself.

Soon a sense of entitlement arrives—you may feel a right to certain privileges and a right to leave behind certain responsibilities because of what you endured. Unhappy comments are verbalize to others to enlist sympathy and call attention to what happened unfairly to you. In no time you could set up camp in Victimville recruiting empathy and excusing unhealthy behaviors. Self-pity reeks and your healing is kept away.

Whatever has occurred unjustly to you may have not been your fault, but to heal you need to recognize that even though you were blind-sided, the injustice is your responsibility to overcome. It landed in your lap. Today, ask yourself if there is someone or something you are holding responsible for why your life is the way it is. -Dr. Sandy

Are you defining your life today based on mistakes made a month ago, a year ago?

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“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don’t think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” –Anthony Robbins

IMG_0468 - CopyAre you defining your life today based on mistakes made a month ago, a year ago? If all the past errors in judgment were erased and all expectations from others were invalid, who would you be today, right now?

Your future will be filled with negativity from the past only if you allow it to be poured into your current thoughts about yourself. Instead, take the wisdom—the positive—available from every mistake and mold that into who you are at this moment and who you want to be tomorrow.

Today, make that powerful decision—who have you decided you really are now? —sn 

Are you thinking about the past?

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Author Dr. Gary McKay writes, “You have the capacity to choose what you think about. If you choose to think about past hurts, you will continue to feel bad. While it’s true you can’t change the effect past influences had on you once, you can change the effect they have on you now.”

IMG_0463It seems easy to forget that we’re in control of what we think about. It’s tempting to believe that the upset in our thoughts is someone else’s fault. Yet, that’s not the truth.

Albert Einstein concluded that one of the major discoveries to impact mankind in the 20th century was the finding that we have the ability to decide what we think about. If we choose to think about past disappointments and heartache, we remain looking backwards and remain in pain. Nothing in the past is going to change or be different. But today can be.

Today, choose to focus on thoughts that don’t represent the past. You have a future to live. You don’t have a past to live. You can’t move forward if you’re looking backwards. -sn

Are there good reasons why mistakes happen?

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“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” –Barry LePartner

Do you ever wonder if there are the best of reasons why mistakes happen?

glass-518042_1280 - CopyI think every situation that takes place in our lives has some intelligent message to offer. It’s through understanding our mistakes today that we’re able to get hold of the wisdom contained within it to apply better judgment tomorrow.

Some people stay away from examining mistakes, and therefore the insights within the experience remain lost. Most errors are not evidence of inabilities, they are signs of the need for more knowledge, different solutions, or for the reality that life is imperfect.

Try to examine the unwanted outcomes in your life today for the lesson that will prevent it from reoccurring. I welcome your thoughts. -sn

Regrets: a million daggers

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Life is too short to allow yourself to be an inmate in the prison of bad choices and weak decisions. The prison of previous mistakes comes with jailers of guilt and regret. Together they IMG_0524hold you captive, torturing you with images of what could have been and what you could have accomplished had you not done or said this or that. You have to put down these “if only’s” and “what if’s” from your past. The weight of carrying so many bags labeled yesterday is just too heavy. You have to stop looking backwards while trying to walk ahead. Keep yourself in today and look forward perhaps wounded, but more wise.sn