Category Archives: Perseverance

Choose Yourself First

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Sounds selfish, doesn’t it?

Choose yourself first. Reminds me of a kid in school when growing up, he would always run to be the first in line, or to grab the best seat or the favorite swing. Encompassed by his own amusement at beating everyone else, he was oblivious to our chagrin.IMG_3289

Choose yourself first.

That instruction makes sense in other areas of life.

Brian Tracy says If you wish to achieve worthwhile things in your personal and career life, you must become a worthwhile person in your own self-development.

Self-development. Don’t people gravitate away from such topics, or dare I say, nonsense?

But consider this. I don’t know any happy and successful people with a self-contempt attitude toward themselves. I don’t know any happy and successful people with bruises from beating themselves up over mistakes and setbacks. The happy and successful people I know hold a humble confidence in themselves. A determination. That’s self-development.

belief28They’ve spent time in their own backyard and faced any personal obstacles in their thought process that could block their goals. They’ve examined any feelings of inadequacy and shortcomings that would prevent their confidence. They learned their weaknesses and manage them rather than excuse them or blame someone else for their existence. That’s self-velopment. Taking care of business with yourself ahead of any pursuits.

Choose yourself first.

Could you prosper from self-development? Would you benefit from looking for any flaws in your attitude? Can you see areas where being stubborn is holding you back? Do you notice any control tendencies in yourself? Or are you experiencing negative self-talk–those conversations in your head where you degrade yourself? Are there areas in your thought process that could be changed so happiness and success can arrive?

It’s not what’s happening to you now or what has happened in your past that 218e76ad-5533-45f5-9a64-b28209648cef-mediumdetermines who you become. Rather, it’s your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you’re going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.Anthony Robbins

Choose yourself first.

Where are you today in your self-development? Don’t allow regrets of yesterday to undermine the success you can obtain and the happiness you can have today. You deserve every joy in life. If you struggle to believe that, then the regrets and failures of yesterday are imprisoning you today in a confinement of self-contempt.

Choose today to banish from your mind any self-degrading thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. Then your energy and attention are free to focus on a happy and successful destiny. Choose yourself first.

FullSizeRender (5)Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay unless otherwise noted

What Do You Deserve?

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Do you pause with this question?

What do you deserve? Do you even know? Do you feel guilty for craving more in life?

First, let’s get that guilt out of the way. God, through Jesus, has liberated you self-confidence2from your own guilt and has provided your freedom.

God does not want you living in guilt, self-condemnation, despair, or sabotaging His blessings for you. That is not what He desires for your life. He wants you to have joy, affection, and achievement with your endeavors. God has given each of us talents, skills, gifts, and abilities for use to better our lives and help the lives of other people.

What do you deserve? You deserve happiness, love, and success. You deserve shelter and sunlight and shade and warmth. Done. You deserve to determine your destiny. Fini. You deserve the moon! And you have it. You deserve a universe! It’s all yours.

10433864_10153254889623908_6471637140694356733_nBut, any negative thoughts you have about yourself can cause you to sabotage your relationships, success, and happiness. If you do not treat yourself with love and respect, you can not experience the love and respect of other people.

What do you deserve? If you do not believe you deserve success, you will not experience it. If you do not think you should be happy, you will not find happiness.

What words do you use every day? Critical words? Ones used to complain? Judgmental phrases? Sarcastic tones? Encouraging expressions? Caring speech? Words of gratitude?

Your words reflect your character. Your words reflect what you believe about yourself. Where you are today can be attributed to the words you tell yourself.

Stay aware of the words you choose to verbalize. Do they match the character IMG_0862you want to role model to others? Are they in agreement with the integrity you want to be associated with?

Jump on any negative thoughts about yourself. Refuse to criticize your mistakes or degrade your limitations.

Pay attention to your inner critical voice that degrades you. Realize it represents voices of those who criticized you in the past. Those voices don’t represent the truth today.

What do you deserve?

FullSizeRender (5)Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay unless otherwise noted

What Social Etiquette Reveals About You

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How do you treat other people?

Every day, it seems, I become upset by someone’s mistreatment of another human being. There’s always cruel words involved and a lack of compassion or mercy. It’s on the radio or in the newspaper or on the news–it’s everywhere.

It’s not difficult to show kindness. No expertise is required. It doesn’t listen1necessitate a lot of reading, or a college degree. It doesn’t even cost money–it’s free. It’s a social grace. One of the few humanity decorum’s becoming snuffed out, I fear, with the air of superiority from an increasing amount of people.

I understand how individuals can lose patience with social etiquette. They’re hurried with managing many aspects of their lives. Their busy seems to always be more important than another person’s busy. Plus, it appears they must save their polite and courteous actions and conversations for their friends or bosses, because they sure aren’t showing any social grace with strangers or who they consider nobodies.

10d69f3e-9b69-4700-9155-2f934eb05151-mediumAnd that speaks volumes. People who are unfriendly, or exclude others from their circle are usually conceited and preoccupied with their image. So they tend to be unkind to anyone they perceive as less successful. These are people who don’t tip waiters or bartenders or taxi drivers or hair stylists. They can be rude and demanding to those same people.

If you come across one of them, you might mention that every human being is entitled to the same treatment that he or she demands. Every person is entitled to respect, dignity, and kindness.

So says Mary Killen, author and columnist at The Spectator, “Having good manners boils down to treating others as you would like to be treated yourself,” she says. “You throw your civility and kindness on the water, and it comes back to you.”

Treating others with respect is an act of benevolence that comes back to you. That’s good karma.

I think that’s how it should stay. Social etiquette is good manners. And good manners know no social status. It belongs everywhere.

FullSizeRender (5)Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay unless otherwise noted

A Life Altering Experience – Part 2

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A Life Altering Experience – Part 2

So many losses. Mercy. Words painted gray with disappointment in my head. What was wanted didn’t come. What came wasn’t wanted. We’re left with shattered lives. In the dark, there resides a pounding and persistent uncertainty between us. Ron isn’t who he was. I’m not who I was. The lost parts of ourselves are vast. How do we proceed with a life altering experience? Good Lord, what’s next?

With a blood clot still in his brain two years after his stroke, Ron, tried to settle 10888736_945259278841328_7498673198762713532_ninto the reality of a different life, and so did I. Physicians had decided that the episode of dizziness that Ron had at work was actually his first stroke, not a pinched nerve. Well, that pissed us off. You mean he was misdiagnosed? How do you miss a stroke? A little more than a week later after his “pinched nerve” on that September day, a major stroke turned his life upside down.

There were many activities he could not do. I was sad for him. He hated taking blood thinners to prevent additional clots. He hated the caution he needed to take so he wouldn’t bleed out from unintentional cuts or injuries. He hated me pushing him to do more than retreat to the sofa. He was quiet, withdrawn. Depression was a companion. He battled to accept the many losses of things that were once routine: his job, playing sports, being able. Now he was disabled with no job, and could only watch sports.

It was about this time that I noticed a tremor in my hands. Like that jitter when you’ve had too much coffee. Except I didn’t drink coffee. Maybe it was a fluke. When I saw my PCP, she thought it was anxiety–stress from Ron’s condition and the stress of my job, and stress of medical bills, yeah, stress. No doubt. I had that!

Anxiety medication did nothing, the tremor remained. Then one day at work when providing an oral report in the daily meeting that takes place, the paper I was reading from was quivering. It was quivering because it was in my hands.

IMG_1027Now I was having anxiety over this alleged anxiety!! Then, while in treatment to determine the cause of my hand tremor, on January 18, 2012, my employer of ten years, suddenly and without warning, “eliminated my position.” What? I was devastated. Wait, what? Crushed. Hurt to the core. I laid in a fetal position betrayed. No one could console me. I didn’t understand. I did nothing wrong. Why did they do this? Was it my hand tremor? Because I was unable to hold paper still?

Ron was on disability and I had no job. Fear pooled in all the spaces left in me.

There were many tests of my nerves, muscles, brain, and blood. There were second and third opinions from the best movement disorder clinics. In April 2012, a month before Ron’s third stroke, at the leading Movement Disorder Clinic in the country, I was diagnosed with Parkinsonism at Rush Memorial Hospital in Chicago. I have the symptoms of PD, but it has not progressed into the full-fledged disorder.

I must seek a way to put myself back together because I feel like someone dropped me on the floor. I’ve broken into pieces. What was God doing? God broke me. He dropped me and I broke. What was I going to do?

I didn’t have much time to reflect on that question. Ron came to me saying he had a headache–that’s kinda a big deal when there’s a blood clot lodged in the brain. He also had sudden vision problems.

Back to the hospital where they again tried to remove the blood clot stuck in his brain. No go. It’s still in a location that they didn’t want to mess with. The physicians agreed he should be transferred to Northwestern Memorial in Chicago where leading neurosurgeons were having some success with cases like Ron’s. Well, that could be a life altering experience.

Nope. After a gazillion tests at Northwestern, they weren’t going to touch it either. But they did discover that Ron’s left carotid artery in the neck is 50 percent blocked. Wonderful. Ron’s lodged blood clot is on the left side of his brain. Oh, AND, he’s diabetic. He’ll need insulin injections, twice a day. Okay, so now I know this was some kind of joke, right?

No.

So that’s the story of the past six years. This is how I became a Life Coach and IMG_1267blogger. Ron does a lot of volunteer work at church and it’s given him a purpose in life and it makes him happy. He gets tired quickly, his speech is off, his attention span is non-existent, and he forgets things most of the time. But he’s stable.

We’re both on disability. Oh, and, we’ve lost everything.

I know there are many people with disabilities that are in even worse situations, I empathize. Tell me how you make it through the day. I want what I don’t have. I wish things were different–the way they were before. I play moments the way I want them to be, not as they are. Damn Reality! A life altering experience.

FullSizeRender (5)Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay unless otherwise noted

 

A Life Altering Experience – Part 1

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A Life Altering Experience

When my husband, Ron, had his first stroke in 2009, he had just turned 58. How is that possible?

It happened before my eyes. It was Saturday, September 26th around noon. Isn’t it remarkable how we remember small details of a life altering experience?

Ron was standing in front of me; we were chatting about his pinched nerve. Just a week before, Ron became dizzy at work, and his employer insisted that Ron go to the emergency room. A co-worker took him to the closest hospital, and an ER doctor suspected that Ron had a pinched nerve that was causing his dizziness. The doctor referred Ron to a chiropractor.

He had just arrived home from treatment with the chiropractor when it hit.

While standing in front of me, in an instant, the left side of his face from his forehead to his jaw drooped down, and his words became a little slurred. He could walk and move both arms. He had no tingling anywhere or dizziness. Was it a stroke? He’s only 58. Was I overreacting? Did he fit the criteria or warnings of a stroke? I had that debate in my head for about 30 seconds and then took charge.

I told him to get in the car; that I was taking him to the emergency room. Like most men, he argued, but he couldn’t see what I was seeing. Hospital personnel approached my car as it came to a roaring stop in front of the ER entrance. I shouted to him that my husband was a “stroke alert.”

A stroke alert upgrades the time frame and service for medical attention, like upgrading to Firsthospital3 Class from Coach. A page overhead was heard throughout the hospital: Stroke Alert, Emergency Room. The page was repeated two more times. Unwillingly, I began to take this all in. Ron was seen immediately by a slew of doctors and nurses. He started having some paralysis on the left side of his body. Alas, the tingling symptom arrived at the party. And he had a headache now. Ron had IVs inserted, and wires slapped on, and beeping in under five minutes. The doctors asked me a lot of questions. They were glad I got him there when I did. I started trembling, realizing, praying. Everyone had solemn facial expressions and serious voices. They believe Ron was suffering a stroke.

The color drained from my face and fear flooded my body. I looked for a chair and sat down, frozen. Ron went for a priority MRI. I waited. Alone for the first time since this nightmare started, I called our son and totally lost it. He couldn’t understand what I was saying. You know how garbled your words are when you’re hysterical and try to talk? That was me. I finally got out some English—”dad,” “stroke.” Our son was on the next plane home. He also had the good sense to call family, but I didn’t know that until they appeared in the ER. I had some support now. And we all waited. Waited to hear how badly the brain was compromised. My mind drifted.

DSC00239We were living comfortably, at the time, in our empty nest. Ron played softball in a league during the summer and coached basketball during the winter. He was very active and fit. We were both working with great jobs that allowed us to have security in our retirement. Ever since childhood, a dream of mine was to live in the country on horse property. We started looking at small farms nearby.

Our son was happy. He had moved to New York City to pursue his second Masters Degree, plus his girlfriend (now wife) lived there. It was a win-win for him.

Life was good.

Then the MRI results were back. The neurosurgeon approached me. He said Ron was being moved to ICU. They found a blood clot in his brain. The plan was to go in and try to remove it. Surgery was scheduled for the next day, first thing. I swear I can hear this conversation like it was yesterday.

Ron handled the surgery fine but because of the location of the clot, it could not be removed hospital4without making matters worse, like killing Ron. It would have to remain in his brain. The hope was the brain would construct pathways around the blockage. So after a week in ICU, two weeks in rehab, and three months of outpatient psychical therapy twice a week, Ron could walk again and use his left arm. His speech improved. But cognitively, the damage was permanent. Ron would not be able to work again.

The medical bills were staggering. And I mean staggering. Ron sold his 79 Roadrunner, his motorcycle, and his Mercedes. And we still owed over $100,000.

But we were just at the beginning of our crisis. A life altering experience for us wasn’t over.

Tune in tomorrow for A Life Altering Experience – Part 2.

FullSizeRender (5)Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay unless otherwise noted

 

 

 

Out of Focus

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OUT OF FOCUS – Dr. Sandy Nelson

Today, in the National Hockey League Western Conference finals, the Chicago hockey1Blackhawks will play game four with the Anaheim Ducks. The victor of this series will play for the Stanley Cup—the championship trophy awarded annually to the National Hockey League(NHL) playoff winner.

I’m a Blackhawk fan. I watch the games. I get the gist of hockey. I don’t know all the rules, but I think any idiot, myself included, knows that this game, among other things, takes focus and attention.

So I stopped to think about what I focus on. Suddenly my mind was bombarded with a cazillion things that occupy my day and I found it difficult to sort it all out to even have a focus.

IMG_1577Should I focus on my attitude? Or topics for my blog? What about my family? How about those bills? How much housework should I get done today? Maybe I should focus on more research and reading. Then the phone is ringing, the doorbell goes off, the dog is barking. Wait, where are those tips about staying focused; they’re here somewhere on my desk where the cat is sleeping.

To accomplish anything takes focus. And to focus, we need to remove distractions that could take us way off track. We need to put down our phones, turn off the music or TV, defer conversations until later. Then we’re ready to sit down with concentration for the task at hand.

I think it’s wise to start the every day with intentions.IMG_1034

1. Set your intentions for your attitude. Envision your outlook for the day–one of gratitude, kindness, and giving.

2. Decide what’s tasks need to be accomplished. Set the priorities of what projects need your focused attention at work and at home.

4. Then focus on those priorities, without distraction, and you’ll be finished in no time.

Then relax and enjoy what remains of the day. Turn on that TV just in time for a hockey game! I bet you can focus on that!

images (96)Think about it!

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com unless otherwise indicated

 

 

Success From Defeat – Dr. Sandy Nelson

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Marilyn vos Savant, an American author who is known for previously having the highest recorded IQ, wrote: Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent. 

images (26)I cannot compete with the highest IQ, but I can attest that when I approach life based only on my feelings, then disappointing situations become distorted and magnified. Life seems hopeless and useless. I lose a rational perspective. It appears like everything is horrible and nothing will ever be better.

Those are conclusions found from my emotions at the time, but they are not grounded on facts or reality. Reality tells me that nothing is hopeless or useless, and it’s impossible for everything to be horrible or remain miserable. I remind myself that determined individuals refuse to react on their adverse feelings in the face of difficulties. I remember that persistence is required to accomplish anything worthwhile; that I need to hold the line and do my best despite any disappointments.

There was a boy so slow in learning to talk that his parents thought he was images (71)abnormal and his teachers called him a “misfit.” His classmates avoided him and didn’t play with him. He failed his first college entrance exam. He remained determined despite that blow. A year later he tried again. He was resolute. In time he became world famous as a scientist. His name: Albert Einstein. Abraham Lincoln also knew defeat and setbacks. He failed numerous times in business and politics before he was elected President in 1860.

There are endless stories of debacles and obstacles for every person who attained achievements. So, let’s remember to rise from setbacks, maintain our determination, and keep our eyes focused forward.

Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

Seven Ways To Age With Spunk

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Let me ask you a question: what is your outlook about getting older?

forgetThis aging business is not for the weak. Aging. Growing older. Sucks. It takes guts. It feels like a second puberty stage, but in reverse. I resent aging. And I’m fighting it tooth and nail. My dresser top is packed with creams, serums, lotions, and round-Stridex-like-pads that are not Stridex, they are some type of over-the-counter peel. Is any of this stuff working? When will my 20-year-old lips return?

Why didn’t someone warn us about the changes that come with getting older? Why didn’t my mother pull me aside and say, “Look, one day you will have more crow’s feet than crows, and there will be a map of lines on your forehead, and the skin on your body will slide a full six inches down, but, hey, you’ll be okay.”

Of course everyone is aging as the years go by. It’s reaching a certain age, however, that shock and awe tend to take us by surprise. It occurs in front of a mirror where we view changes made by nature that only leave hints of our former self. There will be gasps of horror. What the hell happened? It’s different for each of us what age this is.

I often ask myself if I would blow 50K to have something done to my face and body to look younger. Women have, for a long time, worked to fight the aging process with plastic surgery. Men are doing more about their appearances, too. In February of 2014, The American Society of Plastic Surgeons reported that 15.1 million cosmetic procedures were performed in 2013 in the United States; which marked the fourth consecutive year of growth. When it comes to reversing signs of age, it appears many of us are taking it lying down. But, surgical alterations are not even an option for most of us.

Dealing With Loss

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photo-camera-219958_150In the past decade, Americans have endured such ruin and bereavement that it compares to the years of the Great Depression under the failed policies of Hoover¹. People have lost their jobs, their savings, their homes, their cars, plus in many cases, their self-confidence. And there’s still an additional one in three Americans on the verge of financial ruin.²

American author and Social Worker Virginia Satir wrote: Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is.

Well, unless you’re rich, the way it is sucks. It’s a good thing that we’re Americans because there are days that it’s only that spirit that has kept us going. It’s that tenacity found in our heritage that stirs the fight to endure. That and are own guts.

Psychologist and Business Consultant Dr. Kathryn D. Cramer says: People who suffer a loss must reinvent their lives.

Really? You think?

That reinvention isn’t a choice, it’s survival. It’s motivated by a resentment that isn’t often able to let go of the whys, the regrets, the anger, and the pressing sadness.

No one wants to grieve this crap. No one looks forward to Friday because they plan on grieving over the weekend. Grieving involves sadness, regret, heartbreak, weeping, suffering, and pain. Who wants to experience all that, at the same time, for a period of time?

It’s not only loss that requires change, it’s reality. It’s not optional. Something 793c70f5-805c-4b35-8655-785a91de8436-mediumisn’t the way it used to be and will never exist again. Something isn’t the way it should be and never will be again. The purpose of grieving is to adjust to the change in life that reality demands. It’s to bring us to the point of making necessary changes so we can adjust in healthy ways, even if we resent having to do so.

Think about it.

¹http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2007/12/bush200712

²http://www.marketwatch.com/story/1-in-3-americans-on-verge-of-financial-ruin-2015-02-23

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do Men Owe Women? Before you say yes, read this

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In our civilization, men are afraid that they will not be men enough and women are afraid that they might be considered only women. -Theodor Reik (1888-1969) Psychoanalyst

How many times in your life, have you been in love? A man and woman union with love at its axis is a new pattern in human history. So, starting from the images (37)beginning of time until around 1930, love had literally zilch to do with matrimony. It’s reasonable to conclude that your great grandparents’ wedding was arranged without love’s infringement. Throughout history marriage has been the artifact of economic and political arrangement agreed upon by the parents of the couple, or by the government of the times that dominated the social law of wedlock. History reveals even in America, marriage has been faithfully a merger of need or convenience, not an act based on choice and love.

It was not until the late 18th century that a few male leaders of society began to toy with the novelty that marriage would be better if based on the passionate feelings and free choice of both individuals in the relationship. This change of heart represented the male concession to woman’s rights and their fight for Antisuffragists-e13299347546061equality in the early 1900s. However, even as recent as 1960, marriage remained a lopsided union between an obedient wife and a leading man—wives were to be compliant housewives and mothers, with men the superior breadwinners. Love might have been present in this union, but the pyramid of power had only one person at the top—the man—the husband and father. This is still true, today, in various cultures.

For centuries, young women were stuck, however reluctantly, to culture rules regarding female and male intimate relationships. They learned early from their Kitchen Scenefemale predecessors what to anticipate from a man, and it was rarely the promise to love, honor, and cherish with equality and faithfulness. Women may have doubted male superiority, but men remained with the power in the relationship. Societies squelch the female aptitude so women traditionally were dependent on a man to provide money, protection, food, and shelter. Any goals women may have had, like fulfilling personal aspirations, pursuing a talent or education, or insisting on an equal say in a relationship were not an option. Women, traditionally, were expected to tolerate male behavior. It was customary for our ancestor sisters to suffer irresponsibility, deceit, injuries, drunkenness, infidelity, rape, imprisonment, degradation, and inferiority in any relationship with a man.

Men have historically been in conflict with other men while their maltreated, indifferent women laid in waiting with Band-Aids and a beer for the heroic return. Traipsing off to battle to conquer a kingdom was (and still is) a guy thing. Men by nature compete to be right, to win, to have control, and to rule. Whether it was off to war or off to the saloon, men thought of a woman in basically the same category as wanting a hot bath and a turkey drumstick.

A look at women in history helps explain why relationships today with men are so screwed-up:

IN THE BEGINNING 4000 B.C. – 450 B.C. (about Genesis – Jonah)
~Women were prohibited to have a say-so anywhere, about anything.
~Women were denied rights over their body or life.
~Women were to make the home, children, and mate the priority in life.

GOLDEN AGE OF GREECE: 450 B.C. – 27 B.C. (about Micah – Malachi)
~High-class prostitutes were held superior to wives.
~When Greek men fell in love, they were considered sick.
~Wives were considered only as housekeepers and mothers.
~Wives were not allowed to eat at the same table as her husband.
~Kings claimed they descended from gods; and held all-powerful positions.

ROMAN EMPIRE: 27 B.C. – 385 A.D. (about Matthew – Revelations)
~Love in Rome was guilt-free sex, not a feeling.
~Women remained inferior to men and under Roman rule.

DECLINE OF ROMAN EMPIRE: 376 A.D. – 476 A.D.
~Women were considered sex and labor slaves.
~Women born into royalty were raised as sexual partners for Kings.

CHRISTIANITY & THE DARK AGES: 385 A.D. – 1000 A.D.
~In 585 A.D. the Church argued that women did not have a mortal soul.
~Religion viewed sex as an unromantic, harsh, and an ugly act.
~By the 1st Century, women were viewed as disposable property.
~The Church sanctioned wife beatings.
~Only small fines were enforced for killing women.
~Noblemen had the right to rape any woman.

PRE-RENAISSANCE RISE OF COURTLY LOVE: 1000 A.D. – 1300 A.D.
~Courtly Love was a relationship considered to make men better warriors.
~The sex act was considered false love.
~It was believed that unsatisfied passion improved character.
~Women were viewed as utensils.

THE CHURCH VS. THE RENAISSANCE: 1300 A.D. – 1500 A.D.
~Religious people saw Courtly Love as sinful.
~By 1450 A.D. the Church believed all physically desirable women were witches.
~The Pope authorized the burning death of 30,000 women.
~Pope Alexander VI possessed many teenage mistresses.
~Marriage remained a lifelong financial transaction that took place when a girl was 14-16 years old, and included a dowry plus income/property guarantees.
~As the Renaissance enlightenment prevailed; people associated sex with love.
~A new idea that married couples should live together alone in a dwelling of their own began circulating in the 17th Century.
~Wife beating was legal.

THE PURITANS: 1500 A.D. – 1700 A.D.
~Dr. Martin Luther battled Catholic beliefs asserting that sexual impulses
were natural and irrepressible.
~Women remained inferior to men, dominated by the male population,
religious judgment and discrimination.
~Henry VIII put two wives to death for unproven adultery, though he had several mistresses while married.

THE AGE OF REASON: 1600 A.D. – 1800 A.D.
~By the mid-18th Century man turned “to reason.”
~Louis XIV set rules of etiquette to suppress all evidence of emotion.             ~Men viewed women as ornaments, unreasonable nitwits, and subservient. ~Love was a malicious sport with the motive to seduce; flirtation became a common societal hobby.

VICTORIANISM & THE RISE OF CAPITALISM: 1850 A.D. – 1900 A.D.
~U.S. Surgeon General, William Hammond, stated that decent women felt not the slightest pleasure during sex.
~Many physicians considered sexual desire in women pathological.
~The 1842 edition of Encyclopedia Britannica stated that women had no privileges or rights in marriage.
~The clinging-vine persona in women developed as the culture encouraged women to be modest, sweet, weak, and anxious to be dominated by men.
~Men had legal power over their wives and could imprison or beat them.
~Women were not allowed to vote.
~Married women had no property rights.
~Divorce and child custody laws favored men.
~Women were not allowed to attend college.
~Women were forbidden to serve on a jury.
~Women were forbidden to participate in political or church leadership.
~Elizabeth Cady Stranton began in 1848 The Women’s Rights Movement to achieve full civil rights for all women.
~Sigmund Freud concluded females suffered neurosis and had little purpose.

20th CENTURY ROMANTIC LOVE: 1900 A.D. – 1930 A.D.
~In 1920 women won the right to vote; 72 years after its initiation.
~Romantic attraction became the basis for choosing a partner.
~Divorce rates grew although a woman’s place was still in the home.
~Birth control information started circulating secretly.
~Women were mainly housewives and caretakers to men and children.
~The restrictive clothing don by women for centuries began to loosen up.

MODERN ROMANTIC LOVE: 1930 A.D. – 1970 A.D.
~Dating started in 1930 as a new method of mate selection.
~Women were expected to adopt behaviors to build up a man’s image.
~Alfred Kinsey provided specific details that changed views on sex.
~Playboy franchise created in 1953 exploited women who consented.
~Women were allowed to enter college, sports, politics, and military.
~In 1963, The Equal Pay Act required equal wages for women.
~In 1967, a law prohibited any hiring bias against women.
~Women could not obtain credit.
~California became first state to adopt a no-fault divorce law.

CONTEMPORARY RELATIONSHIPS: 1970 A.D. – PRESENT
~Ms Magazine published in 1971, sold out 300,000 copies in 8 days.
~Marriage no longer mandatory for financial support.
~Supreme Court ruled in 1971 unmarried woman’s right to use contraceptives.
~The word obey is dropped from female vow in marriage ceremonies.
~Marriage rates fell.
~In 1976, the first marital rape law was enacted.
~In 1988, women were paid 32 percent less than men for same job.
~Despite working, women were expected to be caretaker at home.
~Women entered politics and held government positions.
~Sexual discrimination suits toward women flooded courts.

IMG_0994Attitudes toward women today are, at best, trying to be politically correct in America. There remains an undertow of inbred inferior opinions towards the female sex in business. During water cooler chats men still minimize a woman’s abilities and degrades her existence within a company. Despite the gains over the years to show women equal respect as a man, women are still being raped, trafficked, violated and discriminated against — not just in the rest of the world, but here in the United States. And though feminists continue to fight gender injustices, most men seem to think that outside of a few lingering battles, the work of the women’s movement is done.

Do you think men today are afraid of equality with women or simply
stuck under the influence of history in their interpretation of women roles?

Think about it. Look for Do Men Owe Women?, Part 2, tomorrow.

 

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