1. Dress improperly
Look disheveled on the job if you want to be noticed. To be singled-out, look grody–dirty and wrinkled clothes are best. Maintain a scruffy appearance, avoid personal hygiene. This probably goes without saying, but women should wear see-through clothing, show cleavage and the upper thigh; men should have enough shirt buttons undone to show their chest hair and make sure their pants are tight through the crotch and butt.
2. On most days arrive late and call in sick often
Tardiness demonstrates just how important your job and career is to you. It’s one of the best conducts to display to grab attention. It communicates a more zen-like relaxed job ethic that you possess and exposes your sense of superiority over other employees who have to arrive on time. Never get to work early if you’re looking to dodge that promotion. If delayed by weather or other mishap, don’t bother to call your boss. Play hooky at least two times a week. Poor work attendance will get you noticed by the right people!
3. Have a bad attitude towards your position and the company
Bashing the mission statement and goals of your employer, and complaining about company policies will get you out the door faster, instead of in your own office. Be sure to complain each day how stupid the company rules are. Disrespect them at every opportunity. Become an agent for change through rebellion of their established protocol’s. Enact your own rules and policies; your adherence to your way of doing things will draw the attention you’re looking for. Berate the executive board members by criticizing their obvious lack of intelligence. Also make it known which executives you find hot and wouldn’t mind bedding.
4. Do your job below par
This plan will get you noticed: don’t demonstrate any skills or abilities. Postpone any work projects required of you by making excuses or blaming your co-workers. Let the phone ring. Collect unopened emails. Miss meetings. Don’t help your co-workers. Shoot for slacking at least half of the day. Communicate your unwillingness to take on more responsibility and refuse to be part of any new initiatives the company is planning. Keep your credentials and skills out-of-date. Stay uninformed and inefficient with computer technology.
5. Join the gossip band-wagon
To shoot for a reputation as an employee with no caliber, bring your personal problems to work. Describe those problems, in all their horror, throughout the day, repeating the saga to each person who stops at your desk. Try to get everyone in the department to feel sorry for you, because certainly you are the only one who has personal problems. If you share personal issues with co-workers, you will become a topic of office gossip. This will circulate your name around the company staff, including the higher-up’s. It’s imperative to bitch and moan about everything that goes wrong. That does something to your credibility. So does joining in on office gossip with negative and degrading talk about other employees and the boss.
Think about it!
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