Category Archives: Humility

Choose Yourself First

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Sounds selfish, doesn’t it?

Choose yourself first. Reminds me of a kid in school when growing up, he would always run to be the first in line, or to grab the best seat or the favorite swing. Encompassed by his own amusement at beating everyone else, he was oblivious to our chagrin.IMG_3289

Choose yourself first.

That instruction makes sense in other areas of life.

Brian Tracy says If you wish to achieve worthwhile things in your personal and career life, you must become a worthwhile person in your own self-development.

Self-development. Don’t people gravitate away from such topics, or dare I say, nonsense?

But consider this. I don’t know any happy and successful people with a self-contempt attitude toward themselves. I don’t know any happy and successful people with bruises from beating themselves up over mistakes and setbacks. The happy and successful people I know hold a humble confidence in themselves. A determination. That’s self-development.

belief28They’ve spent time in their own backyard and faced any personal obstacles in their thought process that could block their goals. They’ve examined any feelings of inadequacy and shortcomings that would prevent their confidence. They learned their weaknesses and manage them rather than excuse them or blame someone else for their existence. That’s self-velopment. Taking care of business with yourself ahead of any pursuits.

Choose yourself first.

Could you prosper from self-development? Would you benefit from looking for any flaws in your attitude? Can you see areas where being stubborn is holding you back? Do you notice any control tendencies in yourself? Or are you experiencing negative self-talk–those conversations in your head where you degrade yourself? Are there areas in your thought process that could be changed so happiness and success can arrive?

It’s not what’s happening to you now or what has happened in your past that 218e76ad-5533-45f5-9a64-b28209648cef-mediumdetermines who you become. Rather, it’s your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you’re going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.Anthony Robbins

Choose yourself first.

Where are you today in your self-development? Don’t allow regrets of yesterday to undermine the success you can obtain and the happiness you can have today. You deserve every joy in life. If you struggle to believe that, then the regrets and failures of yesterday are imprisoning you today in a confinement of self-contempt.

Choose today to banish from your mind any self-degrading thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. Then your energy and attention are free to focus on a happy and successful destiny. Choose yourself first.

FullSizeRender (5)Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay unless otherwise noted

What Social Etiquette Reveals About You

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How do you treat other people?

Every day, it seems, I become upset by someone’s mistreatment of another human being. There’s always cruel words involved and a lack of compassion or mercy. It’s on the radio or in the newspaper or on the news–it’s everywhere.

It’s not difficult to show kindness. No expertise is required. It doesn’t listen1necessitate a lot of reading, or a college degree. It doesn’t even cost money–it’s free. It’s a social grace. One of the few humanity decorum’s becoming snuffed out, I fear, with the air of superiority from an increasing amount of people.

I understand how individuals can lose patience with social etiquette. They’re hurried with managing many aspects of their lives. Their busy seems to always be more important than another person’s busy. Plus, it appears they must save their polite and courteous actions and conversations for their friends or bosses, because they sure aren’t showing any social grace with strangers or who they consider nobodies.

10d69f3e-9b69-4700-9155-2f934eb05151-mediumAnd that speaks volumes. People who are unfriendly, or exclude others from their circle are usually conceited and preoccupied with their image. So they tend to be unkind to anyone they perceive as less successful. These are people who don’t tip waiters or bartenders or taxi drivers or hair stylists. They can be rude and demanding to those same people.

If you come across one of them, you might mention that every human being is entitled to the same treatment that he or she demands. Every person is entitled to respect, dignity, and kindness.

So says Mary Killen, author and columnist at The Spectator, “Having good manners boils down to treating others as you would like to be treated yourself,” she says. “You throw your civility and kindness on the water, and it comes back to you.”

Treating others with respect is an act of benevolence that comes back to you. That’s good karma.

I think that’s how it should stay. Social etiquette is good manners. And good manners know no social status. It belongs everywhere.

FullSizeRender (5)Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay unless otherwise noted

Compliments, Pride, and Humility

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images (57)You can discover a great deal about a person when you compliment his or her triumphs. If the response is one of sincere gratitude and humility, that recognizes (through praise) the efforts of others, too, then that suggests the person has a character that is not self-absorbed or defined by grandstanding. If a person seems to frequently point out or brag about what he or she has accomplished, and tends to carry on about all the drudgery it took to achieve it, then you are speaking with someone who is probably insecure and self-centered, and looking for praise from you to feel good about him or herself.

Journalist Horace White said: Abraham Lincoln did not ‘put you at your ease’ when you came into his presence. You felt at ease without being put there.

It’s effortless to find respect for those individuals who have not allowed images (54)accomplishments or status to go to their head. They have their feet planted on the ground with the rest of humanity. Their humility is attractive whereas self-conceit repels. It’s illogical the amount of people who see themselves superior than others for any reason. It’s not possible to respect or like someone who believes he or she is better than anyone else.

Even as early as the first century people with arrogance and conceit were earmarked as disreputable and obnoxious, as seen in this quote from Seneca: You can tell the character of every man when you see how he receives praise. 

No one should attempt to diminish the life or contribution of another person. Every individual is important and necessary for humanity. And now you know how to determine the individuals who believe that. Just give them a compliment, and wait to hear their response.

Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

What are the secrets of successful people?

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The Seven Secrets of Successful People

Live with Self-Control
Self-control is the power to respond to other people and situations with self-controlmoral strength, self-command, and integrity. Getting upset at someone who is upset is the worse thing to do. Anger begets anger. When you frighten people with words or actions, you misuse your power and instead, insecurity is demonstrated. When you manipulate, mistreat, or intimidate other people, your power is misused and fragility is demonstrated. Success comes to those who are self-controlled.

Live with Responsibility
If you make other people or situations responsible for how you are going to feel, you will never be successful, or happy. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions and realize you alone create your experiences in life. Blamer’s and complainer’s are rarely successful.

Live with Respect
To experience success it is necessary to possess self-respect. You have self-respectrespect when you applaud your efforts, encourage yourself, forgive yourself, accept your mistakes and limitations, and refuse mistreatment. Demonstrating respect to others is also necessary despite differing agendas or customs. Expressing courtesy is expressing respect. Success is experienced by people who respect themselves and other people.

Live with Humility
The brilliant philosopher Socrates, did not pride himself on how much he knew—which was noteworthy in his era. Instead, he was humbled by the awareness of how much more he had to learn and understand. Success comes to those individuals who greet others as equal, not secondary; and live in awareness of how much more there is to learn and understand.

Live with Gratitude
It’s not possible to be successful unless you consciously value and appreciate what is already in your possession—the blessings you currently hold. You can not appreciate what you take for granted. God or The Universe will rarely bless you with more unless you’re cognizant of what has already been given to you. To be successful be grateful, and giving.

Live with Love
You can not hate yourself or others and experience success. Hate blocks the love4good that is yours to receive. Hate divides and lies. When you tell yourself that you are inadequate, flawed, or inferior, you tell yourself a lie. You were born with an instinctive and endless supply of self-worth and self-love. You can not love other people unless you love yourself. You can not be successful unless you believe you can be. Love yourself and love one another.

Live with Faith
Because you live what you believe, what you believe determines your level of faithsuccess. Truth is not relative and reality is not a free-for-all perception. An actual truth exists. What we think about expands. In As You Think, James Allen tells us, You will be what you will to be. And Marc Allen states: You have a powerful will, an offspring of a deathless soul, and it can find its way to any goal, regardless of the apparent obstacles. You have all you need within you. All resources are at your command—all you have to do is ask for them. A great visionary teacher said it all, very simply and clearly—Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find, (Matthew 7:7).

To your success!

Think about it. In caring, Sandy

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

What do you need so happiness and success can arrive?

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“Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” These words written by the extraordinary Dale Carnegie gives us all a reminder about the significance of our own inner character versus the opinions of us that others may hold.

Would it make our lives easier if we could control how other people think of us? If we could have the favorable opinion of everyone in our lives we would be IMG_0275rid of conflicts, disapproval, and rejection. But we don’t hold a remote control to change the channeled thoughts and feelings of other people to ones of our liking. People are going to think what they themselves decide to believe. This fact is precisely why having your own approval on your life is so crucial to well-being. Staying true to your own character and liking yourself will enable you to remain unruffled by the gossip of others. To realize the importance of knowing yourself and liking what you know, is a necessary step for self-respect.

I don’t know any happy and successful people with a self-contempt attitude toward themselves. I don’t know any happy and successful people with bruisesIMG_0843 - Copy from beating themselves up over mistakes and unwanted outcomes. The happy and successful people I know hold a humble confidence in themselves. They’ve spent time dealing with past issues that would block their goals. They’ve corrected the lies they have believed about their inadequacy and shortcomings that would prevent their confidence. They know their weaknesses and manage them rather than excuse them or blame someone else for their existence.

Motivational speaker and self-development guru, Brian Tracy, states “If you wish to achieve worthwhile things in your personal and career life, you must become a worthwhile person in your own self-development.” Where are you today in your self-development? What do you need to correct so happiness and success can arrive?

Think about it. In caring, Sandy

Is your acceptance conditional?

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Tolerance is the belief that people who disagree with us have the right to. Isn’t it important to accept and respect the opinions, thoughts, feelings, choices, and decisions of every individual rather than see it as a mission to convince the person why they’re wrong, misinformed, or whatever if their views are different?
IMG_0251When we accept and respect the beliefs of other people, we demonstrate tolerance—we allow them to be who they are and we focus on who we are. If we become upset, resentful, or hurt, when someone disagrees with our beliefs, then we’re not accepting and respecting the other person. We’re saying that our acceptance of them is conditional on their compliance with our opinions. As we accept others as they are, we’re able to learn about different beliefs and preferences of other people.

Controlling someone is the opposite of accepting someone because the acceptance is conditional on that person’s compliance—agreement with us. We place the other person in the position of having no freedom to disagree with us or state different thoughts, opinions, needs, or preferences. People do have the right to see things differently, to prefer something else, and to do things the way we wouldn’t. They may even be wrong, but people have the right to be wrong.

Look at any need to control other people today; and instead of attempting to sway them to your views, ask more about theirs. Dr. Sandy

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net

What do the people you hold in regard have in common?

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What do the people you hold in regard have in common?

People who demand respect from others are often the very individuals who lack that feature. With no self-respect, they look to others to treat them with regard.

IMG_0544“Respect yourself if you would have others respect you.”¹ Individuals who have self-respect do not need to request or demand it from others. Self-respect is a trait that is evident in our attitude, morals, and actions; and it is the integrity in our attitude, morals, and actions that provides us with the respect of others.

Treating ourselves with dignity, honor, and esteem is not due to a sense of pride, it is due to self-respect. Pride is vanity, narcissism, egoism, and status centered. Self-respect is accepting ourselves—our strengths and weaknesses, talents and limitations, successes and mistakes. Pride denies or hides weaknesses, limitations, and mistakes. Self-respect announces them. 

What evidence of self-respect can be found in your attitude, morals, and actions today?

¹From The Art of Wordly Wisdom by Baltasar Gracian

Can you name one fault you possess that you find difficult to admit to other people?

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Gandhi often made his faults known. In The Life of Mohatma Gandhi he wrote, “I am painfully conscious of my imperfections, and therein lies all the strength I possess, because it is a rare thing for a man to know his own limitations.”

IMG_0637Gandhi did not fear the disapproval or disrespect of other people because of his limitations or weaknesses. On the contrary, the acknowledgement of his faults resulted in him receiving the respect and admiration.

You may spend time denying or hiding imperfections from others thinking that will assure your receipt of acceptance, respect, and approval. In reality, it annoys people and pushes them away from you. Who wants to be with someone who acts perfect? Who wants to know someone who thinks he or she has all the answers? We connect with people through our weaknesses. We respect people who can admit their limitations.

Today, admit a weakness… acknowledge an imperfection… announce a limitation! Make a connection. -Dr. Sandy

Do you know a know-it-all?

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In the July 6, 1970 edition of Newsweek, Daniel J. Boorstin wrote, “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” But some people act like they have nothing more to learn—that’s right, they know it all. They have all the answers. Not only do know-it-all’s know everything there is about anything, they’re eager to point out how much you and I don’t know squat. You would think there would be lines of people waiting to talk to know-it-all’s. Just to have an opportunity to speak with someone with all the answers would be right up there with the ultimate spiritual experience.

IMG_0587(2)On the contrary, that has not been my experience with these types of individuals. How about you? People seem to not respect others who will not admit limitations, and appear to have all the answers. Earning the respect and admiration of others has little to do with proclaimed knowledge and more to do with a willingness to admit weaknesses and mistakes.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. was respected as one of the most outstanding justices in the history of the U.S. Supreme Court. He was popular as the Great Dissenter because he disagreed with what the other judges claimed to know and changed the vision of law. Holmes sat on the Supreme Court until he was 91. Two years later, President Roosevelt visited him and found him reading Plato “to remain improving my mind” Holmes said. 

There’s the kind of humble knowledge worth standing in line for. Today, earn the respect of others and acknowledge what you do not know. –Dr. Sandy