Category Archives: Character

5 Ways To Get Fired – Dr. Sandy Nelson

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1. Dress improperly

Look disheveled on the job if you want to be noticed. To be singled-out, look grody–dirty and wrinkled clothes are best. Maintain a scruffy appearance, avoid personal hygiene. This probably goes without saying, but women should wear see-through clothing, show cleavage and the upper thigh; men should have dishelvedenough shirt buttons undone to show their chest hair and make sure their pants are tight through the crotch and butt.

 

2. On most days arrive late and call in sick often

Tardiness demonstrates just how important your job and career is to you. It’s one of the best conducts to display to grab attention. It communicates a more sickzen-like relaxed job ethic that you possess and exposes your sense of superiority over other employees who have to arrive on time. Never get to work early if you’re looking to dodge that promotion. If delayed by weather or other mishap, don’t bother to call your boss. Play hooky at least two times a week. Poor work attendance will get you noticed by the right people!

 

3. Have a bad attitude towards your position and the company

Bashing the mission statement and goals of your employer, and complaining about company policies will get you out the door faster, instead of in your own office. Be sure to complain each day how stupid the company rules are. 3f3d3f54-6898-4199-9303-02a3a4fddff0-mediumDisrespect them at every opportunity. Become an agent for change through rebellion of their established protocol’s. Enact your own rules and policies; your adherence to your way of doing things will draw the attention you’re looking for. Berate the executive board members by criticizing their obvious lack of intelligence. Also make it known which executives you find hot and wouldn’t mind bedding.

 

4. Do your job below par

This plan will get you noticed: don’t demonstrate any skills or abilities. Postpone any work projects required of you by making excuses or blaming your co-workers. Let the phone ring. Collect unopened emails. Miss meetings. Don’t help your co-workers. Shoot for slacking at least half of the day. Communicate your unwillingness to take on more responsibility and refuse to be part of any new initiatives the company is planning. Keep your credentials and skills out-of-date. Stay uninformed and inefficient with computer technology.

 

5. Join the gossip band-wagon

To shoot for a reputation as an employee with no caliber, bring your personal problems to work. Describe those problems, in all their horror, throughout the BuNUuoEIIAAySEgday, repeating the saga to each person who stops at your desk. Try to get everyone in the department to feel sorry for you, because certainly you are the only one who has personal problems. If you share personal issues with co-workers, you will become a topic of office gossip. This will circulate your name around the company staff, including the higher-up’s. It’s imperative to bitch and moan about everything that goes wrong. That does something to your credibility. So does joining in on office gossip with negative and degrading talk about other employees and the boss.

Think about it!

 

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

The Most Respected Quality – Dr. Sandy Nelson

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Looking for love before developing a strong sense of self is like trying to find the mate of a shoe you’ve never seen. —Martha Beck

IMG_2973I sometimes long for childhood scenes where taking a stand for ice cream over cupcakes seemed easier than taking a stand for myself with other people as a grown-up. Let’s face it, when you express to someone your true thoughts and opinions, it’s a risk. What if you offend someone? What if they change their opinion of you? What if they get mad? What if you blow it? That’s a gamble. But to speak or act in contradiction to who you are is worse than the experience of disapproval from someone, isn’t it?

For some people, what determines their sense of self is having the approval of images (21)someone else. What determines their self-worth and happiness is how other people feel about them. Many individuals change their personality and opinions, at any given moment, to be accepted. It’s not a surprise that relationships are often rocky and shallow when people hide their true identity. So, make it a priority to know yourself so that you have a self others can honestly know.

In The Plateauing Trap, Judith M. Bardwick writes: Real confidence comes from knowing and accepting yourself—your strengths and your limitations—in contrast to depending on affirmation from others. 

Remember, every single person has strengths and weakness, attributes and handicaps, not just you and me, everyone. The more you embrace yourself—the good parts and the not so good parts—the more you radiate confidence because you know who you are and who you are not, and that is the most attractive trait anyone can possess. When you are genuine in who you are and not acting like a fraud of someone else, that’s appealing to others. People respect that quality, a lot.

Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

You Will Make A Difference by Dr. Sandy Nelson

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Someone once said:
The highest reward in life is not what you get from it, but what you become by it.

You are capable of doing something that makes a huge difference in this worldf5813ce0-8791-4e6f-a526-32c953e7bba1-medium (1) every day, HUGE! Do you believe it? Your caring attitude, your kindness, your respect for yourself and life makes a difference not only in the lives of those who cross your path, but also makes a difference within you. No one can be exactly like you. No one will make a difference exactly like you will.

We have great challenges as adults in this world. Many people believe themselves too inadequate to make a difference; too flawed to contribute. Great things are rarely done by great intelligence or great ability, but by average folks with great hearts who care. I promise, you will make a difference in the lives of everyone you come into contact with every single day. It will be either a positive difference or a negative one. It will be one of encouragement or of dismissal; kindness or cruelty; respect or rejection. Which difference will you make?

American social critic and scholar of education, Edgar Z. Friedenberg, said:
What we must decide is how we are valuable, rather than how valuable we are.

When we explore our personality and characteristics for positive features and urban-438393_640skills, it can be a bit awkward. We do the world a service; however, when we recognize how we are valuable in any scenario of need. What we can give is more important than why we can provide it.

Sharing specific talents with a community or volunteer organization goes a long way to better the world. Even if that’s not what you can commit to, it will make a difference and it’s takes no time from your schedule to smile and be pleasant to people you see each day.

Author of Think Great, Lailah Gifty Akita, wrote:
Encouragement is life. Many people would have given up in life without encouragement. May your words be gracious to those who hear it.

Words have no price tag. It doesn’t cost a penny to speak. But the impact of what you say holds life-altering power.

Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

Compliments, Pride, and Humility

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images (57)You can discover a great deal about a person when you compliment his or her triumphs. If the response is one of sincere gratitude and humility, that recognizes (through praise) the efforts of others, too, then that suggests the person has a character that is not self-absorbed or defined by grandstanding. If a person seems to frequently point out or brag about what he or she has accomplished, and tends to carry on about all the drudgery it took to achieve it, then you are speaking with someone who is probably insecure and self-centered, and looking for praise from you to feel good about him or herself.

Journalist Horace White said: Abraham Lincoln did not ‘put you at your ease’ when you came into his presence. You felt at ease without being put there.

It’s effortless to find respect for those individuals who have not allowed images (54)accomplishments or status to go to their head. They have their feet planted on the ground with the rest of humanity. Their humility is attractive whereas self-conceit repels. It’s illogical the amount of people who see themselves superior than others for any reason. It’s not possible to respect or like someone who believes he or she is better than anyone else.

Even as early as the first century people with arrogance and conceit were earmarked as disreputable and obnoxious, as seen in this quote from Seneca: You can tell the character of every man when you see how he receives praise. 

No one should attempt to diminish the life or contribution of another person. Every individual is important and necessary for humanity. And now you know how to determine the individuals who believe that. Just give them a compliment, and wait to hear their response.

Think about it.

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

Is rudeness a profession?

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Unkind people are prevalent. It seems likely that your daily path will bring you images (3)face to face with rude people. They’re the ones who seem to resent wherever they’re going and because you happen to be going in that direction, they resent you. They bump into you and just keep going. They can’t be bothered holding a door for anyone or giving up a seat for someone. If you ask them something, their spiteful reply sounds just like a snarling bulldog. Most people who have made rudeness a profession can be pretty intimidating and their mantra seems to scream, I just don’t care.

At that point you have a decision to make. Will you return rudeness for rudeness, or will you refuse to allow anyone to alter your character and remain in self-control? You may want to give this bulldog a piece of your mind, but that would mean losing your peace of mind. The examination of good manners is to be tolerant with bad ones.

images (1)To use poor manners on someone displaying poor manners is against your better judgment, isn’t it? The more your patience wears thin the longer your mental list becomes filled with objections and criticisms. And in no time your words, too, may be snarling like a bulldog. Don’t do it. Don’t let a jerk gain control of your attitude. Refuse to change your character because someone else lacks one.

Kindness matters. Manners matter. And the world needs a heavy dose of both.

Think about it.

 

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

Dealing With Loss

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photo-camera-219958_150In the past decade, Americans have endured such ruin and bereavement that it compares to the years of the Great Depression under the failed policies of Hoover¹. People have lost their jobs, their savings, their homes, their cars, plus in many cases, their self-confidence. And there’s still an additional one in three Americans on the verge of financial ruin.²

American author and Social Worker Virginia Satir wrote: Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is.

Well, unless you’re rich, the way it is sucks. It’s a good thing that we’re Americans because there are days that it’s only that spirit that has kept us going. It’s that tenacity found in our heritage that stirs the fight to endure. That and are own guts.

Psychologist and Business Consultant Dr. Kathryn D. Cramer says: People who suffer a loss must reinvent their lives.

Really? You think?

That reinvention isn’t a choice, it’s survival. It’s motivated by a resentment that isn’t often able to let go of the whys, the regrets, the anger, and the pressing sadness.

No one wants to grieve this crap. No one looks forward to Friday because they plan on grieving over the weekend. Grieving involves sadness, regret, heartbreak, weeping, suffering, and pain. Who wants to experience all that, at the same time, for a period of time?

It’s not only loss that requires change, it’s reality. It’s not optional. Something 793c70f5-805c-4b35-8655-785a91de8436-mediumisn’t the way it used to be and will never exist again. Something isn’t the way it should be and never will be again. The purpose of grieving is to adjust to the change in life that reality demands. It’s to bring us to the point of making necessary changes so we can adjust in healthy ways, even if we resent having to do so.

Think about it.

¹http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2007/12/bush200712

²http://www.marketwatch.com/story/1-in-3-americans-on-verge-of-financial-ruin-2015-02-23

drsandy@e-couch.net  ♦  ©All rights reserved 2014 Dr. Sandy Nelson E-Couch.net  ♦  Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

What it takes to prevail

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Do you know what it takes to achieve what you want and succeed in life?

No one else determines your rise in the world but you. Your expectant attitude, your driven actions, your bold determination, your loyal beliefs in your abilities—these are powerful allies in the pursuit of the good life.

IMG_2171Author Ralph Marston wrote: The biggest factor in your success is you. Knowledge, information, skills and resources all play a part, to be sure. Yet success hinges mostly on your will to make it happen.

Gripping the belief that you deserve success is necessary gear to get ahead. Self-doubt, blame, anger, and negativity are enemies that will render you ineffective and keep you stuck in mediocrity.

Are you conscious of the beliefs you hold about yourself? These beliefs are the most significant opinions you will ever outline. What you believe you can do, or can not do, how worthy you are of happiness and success are all determined by your beliefs in who you are.

If you believe that you are unique, deserving, and skilled, then you will IMG_2342
experience a life defined by those beliefs. If you have the opinion that you are flawed, inadequate, and undeserving, then what you experience in your life will support that belief.

This is why the opinion you hold of yourself and the one you embrace is the most determining clue of your future.

Based on what you are experiencing in life, what is your opinion of yourself?

The world will not believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself. Examine your thoughts today and determine if they are powerful allies or sabotaging foes.

Think about it.

 

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net
Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are Little White Lies Okay?

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Like most other kids, you and I were taught in childhood not to lie. The lesson usually came early in life when by the age of six we knew the difference between right and wrong; and what was true and what wasn’t. The first time we made up a story to avoid wrath, we may have discovered that the penalty for our inventive tale was worse than if we had truthfully admitted our error.

IMG_0862Dishonesty, basically, is avoiding truth. It’s not surprising that people whose lives have been influenced by a damaging past really struggle with honesty—they’re afraid to be honest. It isn’t a type of dishonesty that is pathological and conniving. Rather its motive comes from a sincere desire to avoid conflict, disapproval, disappointment, and rejection; and to make others happy. They might see their dishonesty as being harmless or as merely “little white lies.”

Truth though, is a necessary choice in life, if we want self-respect, self-esteem and a reputation for possessing integrity. When asked, for example, if we like someone’s haircut, outfit, spinach casserole recipe, car color, or wallpaper, there’s always something truthful that can be said, instead of a little white lie. “Oh, that looks good on you,” “I can totally see you in that color,” and so on. We can be truthful without being mean spirited and without hurting someone’s feelings.

Psychologist, Dr. Chris Thurman writes: There is another important reason why IMG_1595we must seek the truth and live by it. There is a direct, inescapable connection between our self-esteem and whether or not we are dedicated to truth. If dedication to truth characterizes our way of living, we develop stable positive feelings of worth. The moment we wrap our lives around lies, genuine feelings of self-worth are virtually impossible. We’ve all had moments in our lives when we suddenly saw that something we believed to be true was false. Instantly, the truth cuts like a knife.  http://www.drchristhurman.com/

A pattern of telling little white lies can easily get out of control with a drive to appear adequate and flawless. We may find ourselves deceiving others about our opinions, actions and accomplishments. In a need to be loved and accepted, we justify fibbing.

IMG_2761 (1)Yet, isn’t it true that if someone is dishonest with us, we get all bent out of shape? In a warped way of thinking, we can be merciless to other individuals that we’ve caught lying. We park in the denial of our own dishonesty and feel betrayed, used, made a fool of, or taken advantage of by others we catch being dishonest with us: How could they do that to me! We, however, tend to not see our own dishonesty when we do that to them.

Think about it.

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net
IMG_2731Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

The 8 traits of a type of Loser you want to dodge!

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IMG_2035The term “Loser” dates back to the middle 14th century. So the ways of life of this social outcast has been around the block a few times. There are many definitions of a loser, but for this post its meaning represents a social abnormality, a personality trait that causes havoc in relationships. These losers can possess a magical charm that is enticing and tempting. Their words, often seductive, are used to manipulate other people and enlist sympathy for their plight in life.

Here are the traits of Losers you want to avoid:

1. They have no job. They describe their jobless predicament like details of a war story where they are the victims of unemployment fate. A continual lapse or consistent delayed action in pursuing employment is a sign of a very bad character flaw.

2. They borrow money, your money. They may, in a honey-coated voice, claim IMG_2115you are the only person they can ask for the money they need. The reality is they have probably asked every person they passed for money on their way to your door. The reasons they need the money is likely not legit. They may say it’s for the bus ride to a job interview, when it’s really for the bus ride to a billards bar or a strip joint.

3. They live with their parents. There are genuine reasons why an adult may be living under a parental dome. Perhaps they’re helping an aging parent. But generally speaking, a walking and talking adult over the age of 35 should not be living with his/her parents.

4. They do drugs/do alcohol. This is a no-brainer. Doing ANY drug is an instant qualification for the title Loser. God forbid that you’re with the Loser when the cops arrive and find the drugs. Or, that the Loser plants them on you. If you’re with anyone or dating anyone who does drugs, that person is a Loser. Your prompt exit is paramount. Alcohol abuse or dependence is another addiction that creates Losers.

5. They have no home. There may be another elaborate story why they’re homeless similar to the story of why they have no job. This also highlight’s the Loser’s lack of friends or potential roommates because the Loser has burned those bridges with his/her way of life.

IMG_15576. They have no phone. It was stolen, they may say, or lost. It’s pretty easy to have a cell phone these days at a nominal cost. If they have no phone, that speaks to their level of irresponsible thinking. They can’t be reached in the event of a family emergency, and they won’t be getting calls from potential employers, if they don’t have a phone.

7. They have zero motivation or ambition. They don’t help with anything–it’s always tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll look for work. Tomorrow I’ll run that errand. There’s always an excuse. This is evident by their prone position all day watching TV, eating your food, using your phone, taking your money and borrowing your car; not to look for work, but to look for parties.

8. They have mood swings. The mentality of this type of Loser is very close to that of sociopaths. They can become insulting, violent, jealous, possessive, and paranoid. Between their sugar-coated words they are often a ticking bomb. Do not fall into the trap of thinking you can be the one to emotionally help this Loser.

The stronger your self-respect and self-worth, the easier it will be to have boundaries set for when, and if a Loser crosses your path.

Think about it. In caring, Dr. Sandy

 

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net
Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you at war with yourself?

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In Becoming Human, Jean Vanier writes: “If we deny our weakness—if we want to be powerful and strong always, we deny a part of our being, we live an illusion. To be human is to accept who we are, this mixture of strength and weakness.”

The feeling of inner happiness is so much easier when you cease fire with yourself. When you can openly acknowledge your limitations and recognize your weaknesses instead of trying to bluff your way through life, a healthy self-worth appears.

IMG_0906 - Copy - Copy - CopyI have several limitations and weaknesses: I’m bad at math, lack mechanical know-how, and have restricted airspace in my brain sometimes. My cooking ability is basic as is my sewing stitch. I prefer to watch other people be athletic; I hate to exercise. I can’t wrap my brain around financial planning, computers, or what all those little lines in a ruler mean. There’s a lot I don’t know and more that I don’t know how to do. My downfalls don’t devastate me; however, because they’re balanced with positive traits.

Listen for the words you use every day. Are they self-degrading? Are they judgmental phrases? Sarcastic tones? Or encouraging expressions? Caring speech? Your words reflect your self-respect and character. Your words reflect what you believe about yourself. How can you have self-confidence and self-degradation at the same time? Where you are today can be attributed to the words you tell yourself. Stay aware of the words you choose to verbalize. Be sure they match the character you want to role model to others.

Make a list today of your limitations and weaknesses. Practice stating them to others. People will respect your admission, because they have limitations and weaknesses, too. Once you recognize your positive traits and abilities, you will be able to accept your limitations and weaknesses without feeling inferior; and the war within that bombs you with self-degrading comments ends.

Think about it. In caring, Sandy

©All rights reserved, 2014, Dr. Sandy Nelson, E-Couch.net