Excerpt from Emotional Triggers: Stop Pushing My Buttons by Dr. Sandy Nelson…
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine’s Day and called her boyfriend. “I just had a dream that you gave me a diamond ring for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?” With certainty in his voice, the man said, “You’ll know tonight, Honey!” That evening the man went to his beloved with a small package and handed it to her. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled, The Meaning of Dreams.
When it comes to love, there are certain types of people that we’re subconsciously attracted to, in our dreams or not. It’s as if we have within us a beacon that sends an underlying signal to certain types of people. Likewise, we’re pulled to individuals who signal us. Entering a relationship that initially stems from a need or attraction doesn’t necessarily indicate doom. But, disaster may occur when you’re unaware of the Emotional Triggers that have brought you together.
Therapists Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, the couple who discovered Imago Therapy say: When you’re unaware of the hidden agenda of romantic love, it is a disaster. You inevitably repeat your childhood scenarios with the same devastating consequences. But when you understand that you’ve chosen your partner to heal certain wounds, and that this healing is the key to the end of longing, you’ve taken the first step on the journey to real love.
There’s no torture in awaking to the reality that you’re in a not-so-good relationship. The torture arrives when you try to disconnect or change the relationship. You feel stuck, trapped. You may agonize over which is worse–ending it, tolerating it, or dealing with a possible upset and confrontation if you give your thoughts a voice.
This is the core of unhappy lives–the belief that you’re doomed to tolerate or accept draining and unhappy relationships. You may convince yourself that you would face worse anguish if you state your thoughts to your partner or end the relationship. This belief chips away at self-respect. It invites passive-aggressiveness into the relationship. It prompts you to fix the other person, and cues any control tendencies within you. It breeds resentment and depression. It causes misery.
Emotional Triggers are emotionally charged buttons that reside within everyone. Each Emotional Trigger is wired to a memory of past unresolved matters and contains a wealth of knowledge about how you’ve been marked by past encounters. When present situations trigger a stored memory of prior experience, the outcome can be intensely emotional. And it’s not just love relationships in jeopardy. Emotional Triggers materialize with all relationships–including friends, family members, and co-workers!
You may believe that remaining quiet keeps the peace, but the truth is that most likely within you there exists anger, hurt, unmet needs, and resentment that violently whirls around cutting your emotional well-being into unrecognizable pieces. If you’re not actively voicing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a relationship, you’re not in the relationship–you’re tolerating the relationship. Perhaps, you don’t know what else to do. That’s about to change…
Read more… Emotional Triggers: Stop Pushing My Buttons
Think about it.